I can't deal with all of this right now.

I'm not sure how anyone can do this.

Story of my craptastic day:

I was woken up this morning by horrible AF cramps. Yes, the bitch is back.

Not only could I not go back to sleep, but the usual "lay in the shower" trick didn't work either.

This was AF from Hell.

In all my years of needing major medication for cramps, I can't remember the last time they were this bad. I tried 1/2 a vicodin. Nada. I tried sitting, standing, laying, crouching, falling wet from the shower onto the cold tile floor-- NADA. I tried another whole vicodin and still nothing! I was nauseous, tired, dizzy, and in serious pain.

To top it all off, nobody was home-- just me. I kept thinking, "Well, if I were to pass out on the floor right now and die, at least they'll someday find me clean."

It went one for hours. Finally, I forced myself to say ontop of towels on the bed without moving and endure the pain until I fell asleep. I slept until 2pm. Like. a. rock.

******

I awoke to the sounds of the doorbell ringing. Apparently some package that I didn't feel necessary to go and retrieve. By the time I go downstairs I decided to make some tea and call my RE's office and tell them I am finally on CD1. It was one long as Hell conversation.

The nurse told me that I could come in Thursday (The first day I can actually set-up my room for teaching) but not until 7am. When I asked if we could do the injection training afterwards (since I don't feel like driving another 2 hours and missing work just to do that 30 minute thing) she said, "We don't do them that early blah, blah, blah. . . "

WHAT?!?! What 'chu talkin' 'bout?

Then she told me I needed to make another appointment for a "Mock ET". Seriously. A mock ET? Like they haven't seen a vagina before? Or mine for that matter?!? I asked if it was like an IUI she said no, because they need to have my bladder full (aware of that) but then use a "dilator" to open up my cervix so they can pass the catheter through. (NOT AWARE OF THAT).

I love how every time I think I have been given all the information, they surprise me with wonderful bits of info like this. Oh and it gets better. . .

I told her I'll schedule it with her now so I can make sure I have a weekend available. She said, "We don't do mock transfers on the weekend." O.M.G. What the fuck do you mean you "Don't do mock transfers on the weekend!" When do you do anything? It doesn't seem to me like you are making time for someone who actually has to work full-time AND is coming to your clinic from out of state to do ANYTHING.

I'm beginning to feel like this is impossible. Like there is something always working against me. First the hydro, now this scheduling nightmare! I am already so aggravated. I'm not even going to go into the mess of trying to have my transcripts transfered. BAH!

I mean, seriously. What do they think I do? I am not in a profession where I can just take off any day of the week. (Correction: DayS).

I have a new job, in a new district, where I am in charge of an entire department. I cannot look bad straight out of the gate. NOR can we afford for me to get fired. I kinda need to pay for this whole cluster-fuck.

Now, I know. Some of you may be thinking, "This is just part of what you need to go through in this process."

BUT WHY?

Why? Why does it need to be made even more difficult than it already is? Can't someone keep their job and have a baby at the same time? Where is the compassion for couples that already have their lives turned upside down? The whole thing is a scheduling nightmare to begin with. Why can we not make an appointment for something that actually is schedule-able? I will gladly wait in the waiting room on a Saturday for an ER or ET to take place if I can get in before everyone goes home. Work with me here people. . . I'm only offering you tens of thousands of dollars.

*****

I don't know where I go from here.

Do I tell my new principal that I need about 10-15 days off in the next two months and when he asks. "Which days?" I say, "I dunno. . . "

Do I say screw the mock transfer? I know they got in with three IUI's, why do they need to charge me more money and more time off or this?

Do I push off this whole thing? . . . 'till when? When is it ever going to be a convenient time?

Until an RE's office becomes a little more compassionate and flexible, there may never be a better time.

What's my plan?

Go in on Thursday. Get the blood tests. Wait for results. Plead with them to let me go in on a weekend for the mock trial or skip it all together. If I decide to quit along the way, at least I tried, right? Bleeeeh. . . .