15 weeks along and so much to do.

It's been a few weeks since I have posted.

Some days, I wish I didn't spread myself so thin between homelife and volunteering for the March of Dimes.  Other days, like today, I get to talk to Moms and Dads in the NICU and share stories from the "other side"-- life after the NICU/NPCU.  I feel useful, even for a little bit.

I am also trying hard to exceed our fundraising goal from last year for the March of Dimes Walk in April.  I have a few new members this year to our team and am hoping it can boost our total, as I am usually the sole fundraiser.

In other news, I was sick with the strangest symptoms last week.  They included: Headache, body aches, nausea, low-fever, exhaustion, swollen glands and later changed into painful fingertips and feet; strange bruising and blistering on my heels, toes and fingers; rashes that appeared over most of my body, both when hot (from the shower) and at various times during the day.   I still have no idea what it is/was.  It has almost resolved itself now, just over a week after it began.  I hope it isn't something that will flare up occasionally during the rest of the pregnancy.

Yep, Baby is this big.

Current stats:
Weight Gain:  
I had lost about 5 lbs during my "flu/bizarre" sickness episodes" but then we went to "Red Robin" to celebrate out Birthday's and I think I may have gained it all back.  All together, since FET, about 6 lbs.

Cravings:  

Lots of juices and water.  I've found some new fruit juices that contain fresh veggies and fruit juice that I drink in high volume.  For food, I am craving some boxed Annie's creamy deluxe Mac 'N Cheese today, but typically, I'm not very hungry and end up eating a lot of popsicles, fruit cups and veggie wraps.

Nauseous: 

During my strange sickly period last week and I it on and off, but I am hoping it has run its course, especially since I had my last PIO injection Saturday!  Horray!  Now acne, clear up and clear out!

Belly touches: 

DH, the boys, a fellow MoM friend of mine rubbed it (after asking) when we meet up for dinner about two weeks ago.

Feeling:  

In a great mood today!  It's 55 degrees and sunny today! I even cracked the patio door to let some fresh air in :)  That coupled with daylight savings and volunteer stuff today made for a great day so far.  I needed this, desperately.  The boys slept until 8:15am! 

Boy or girl: 

We miiiiight find out this Thursday.  We have another perinatologist appointment with ultrasound.  At 16 weeks, there is a chance, especially if it is a boy, that we may find out.  Or at least gets darn good initial guess. 

Emotional state:  

Today being a "good day" and the weather temporarily being more Spring-like has improved my mood for the time being.  Winter-blues/depression, whatever you want to call it, effects me quite a bit.  In addition, if I can make it to March 28th without losing my mind, I'll have a few days to spend in Arizona visiting my Grandparents without the kiddos.  Giving me a temporary break.  Then, I arrive home in Early April and only have one more week until DH's Spring Break from teaching begins!  Before I know it, it'll be May!

Movement:
Not likely.  But it won't be long from now. 

Maternity clothes: 
Wearing maternity jeans and/or stretchy pants almost full-time now.  Shirts are still non-maternity, but since it's chilly I can wear a lot of sweaters when I go out and tanks at home.  

Baby purchases:  

I haven't bought anything.  I'm trying to wait to hear what the gender is.  That way, if it's a girl, I can buy a few fun "baby girl" items.  If its a boy, I will go through what we already have from the twins and see if there is much I need to purchase.  It is so hard to find 'gender neutral' things.

Nesting: 

Once the warm weather hits, I'm going to have a "Spring cleaning" fiesta!  I own a few obsessive cleaning books for weirdoes like me, that I like to make a checklist out of.   The real nursery work will begin once gender is known and Spring Break arrives in mid-April.

A little squishy prune.

10 weeks!

Baby is a fetus!  We have had a few rough days over the last couple of weeks but now we look forward--baby is the size of a prune!

Current stats:
Weight Gain: About the same as the last few weeks.  I haven't been very hungry, especially at the end of the day.  Maybe 5lbs since I had the FET in December.

Cravings: Similar to the last pregnancy, I'm craving a lot of beverages: caffeine-free soda (cherry 7-up), malts (any flavor), cold water, small coffee, decaf teas, etc.  For foods, I did have a cupcake craving the other day as I drove by the local cupcake place.  I bought four cupcakes but it took DH and I four nights to eat them.  We each had half per night.

Nauseous: On and off over the last week and a half.  Mainly in the morning and evening.

Belly touches: DH only.  I'm not big on that to begin with. I'm trying to enjoy the idea of it since this is the last time. :)

Feeling: Tired and a bit cranky. Chasing after and taking care of the boys all day is beginning to wear on me.  I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I also have RLP throughout the day which usually stops me in my tracks.


Boy or girl: I have begun to feel good with either option.  There are many benefits to both.  DH is saying "girl".

Emotional state: Kinda cranky and feeling a bit detached.  I miss my Zoloft-- I could hug it. This Winter SUCKS.  I feel like we get snow every other day and have had one of the coldest Winters in 20+ years.  We are stir crazy.  Even the boys' Y class has been canceled twice due to the cold. 

Movement: Nothing yet.  Just "little Squishy" hip-dancing on the u/s sans.

Told anyone yet?: DH has had to tell the principal at his school from day one--and had to tell her 'fill-in' on Thursday because of the bleeding situation.  I also told a friend of mine who is also preggo since she knew about the FET.  (She works at my Pharmacy and knows every med I take).  We are planning to tell family this weekend and other people around Valentine's Day.

Maternity clothes: I bought one pair of black stretch pants and two dresses at Destination Maternity a couple weeks back.  I've worn the pants but the dresses will have to wait for Spring. 

Baby purchases: I've tried to resist until I know the sex of the baby.  We have SO MUCH boy stuff.  There are a few girl clothing items I bought months/years ago in hopes that one day I would have a girl (by whatever means). 

Nesting: Until people know, I think it would be hard.  (Outside of basic cleaning).  We have to turn the office or guest room into the nursery.  

It's been a long week.

No Joke.  A long week.

Last Friday, the 24th (9w1d), I awoke to pee for the 2nd (or 3rd?) time that night.   Unfortunately, I found that I was bleeding-- enough that no matter how many times I wiped, I had toilet paper covered with bright red blood.

Awesome.

I immediately told DH and got my phone to call the 'emergency line' for my OB.  Keep in mind this is about 6:15am.  I thought it was over.   I listened as the on-call doc asked me questions about the last time we had sex, activities, etc.  Nothing that was too alarming.  But as I talked I started to realize what this could be.  The panic of having a third baby turned to the desperate hope that it wasn't over.  I hung up the phone and I cried.  DH stayed home from work, giving up another sick day.  That mean one less day at home with (hopeful) baby 3.0.  (We have zero paid maternity/paternity days as teachers).

I then had to wait until 8:30a to make an appointment for an u/s that day.  The next apt wasn't until 12:45p.  So I laid low and waited. . . . .awake for most of it.

Once I got there (and waited some more) I had another vaginal u/s.  I was hoping to be done with those stupid things.  We saw baby moving around looking almost like he/she was doing some kind of hip-shaking dance move.  Baby was so much bigger than the last time we had an u/s. Heart rate was much stronger at 170bpm.

It was great to see baby looking so well on the u/s but it also left me without any answers as to what caused the bleeding.  My OB (whom I have a love/hate relationship with) didn't give me much to go off of.  All I knew was that baby looked okay.  For that moment, I had to be happy with that.

I continued to have 'old dark blood' every day until yesterday, Thursday the 30th . . .

Yesterday I awoke to more bright red blood.  This time I felt a bit more familiar with the situation.
I again called my OB and talked to the doc on-call.  This time it was my OB.  Again I was told to come in for an u/s.  DH had already left for work, so I called and told him to go on with his day until I knew when the u/s appointment would be.  After a bunch of screwy phone calls trying to make an appointment, I finally got the one time they would give me (see: I had no choice) at 11:30.
Poor DH had to completely rearrange his schedule and take another 1/2 sick day as he had the only car with the boys' car seats and therefore I couldn't meet him at the doctor's office.

Once I got there I had to wait a long time to be seen by the u/s tech.  Again with the dildo-cam they looked at baby.  Baby was moving all about and had a strong heart rate of 173bpm.  Baby was also measuring just behind my EDD at 9w3d. (Currently 10w exactly on Thursday).
After the u/s my OB came in and basically said I wouldn't benefit from seeing my perinatologist for an u/s and that It's most likely SCH (subchorionic hematoma) (90% sure) and that I might have to just keep coming in for u/s to check on baby any time this happens.  Of course if I get far enough along and can feel baby move then I might not feel the need to come all the way to the doctor at those times.  She also was very blunt and 'blasé' about the fact that it "is or isn't a miscarriage and there's nothing I can do about it" blah blah blah.  She seriously has NO bedside manner at all.  I reminded her that this is our last embryo and shot at this so it's not such a flippant thing for me.  She has another patient "Stacey"--yes, she told me her name, (HIPA laws anyone?) that apparently has have SCH since the beginning and is 20w now with some huge clotting.  My guess is she will continue to compare me to her the rest of my pregnancy, whether it is the same or not. . . sigh.

So it has been a long, long, week.

I'm taking it easy as I am basically on pelvic rest again (no sex, no exercise) until further notice.  I will update with any further info I have about the 'new situation'.

8 weeks. Let's start some stats!

Yesterday, marked 8 weeks pregnant.  (Cue the "ute goggles").   I am still walking around in shock-- especially since no one really knows yet.  The principal at DH's school has known about our process so he could take time off.   My OB knows of course, but that's pretty much it.  

I made a few upcoming appointments for the boys and I.  I made a follow up allergy appointment for the boys in February (I'm still hoping the dairy allergy will disappear).  I also made a few upcoming OBGYN appointments for myself.  It should be about every 4 weeks until 30 weeks.  The next appointment is for the nuchal screening in February.  One week later, I will see the OBGYN to discuss the results and see if any further testing is needed.  March 21 is another general OBGYN check-up and all the way in April is the 20-week ultrasound.  That should be the latest we would know the gender of the baby-- YES, we are finding out.

Now, I give you....

Current stats:
Weight Gain: About the same, maybe 1 or 2 pounds.
Cravings:  Malts from Culvers, salads, sandwiches (veggie subs with cheese), oatmeal cookies.
Nauseous: Not really much.  Just a twinge every now and then. Exhausted more than anything.
Belly touches: Just DH.
Feeling: Some RLP if I move too suddenly and usually complete exhaustion.  I fell asleep watching 'Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood' with the boys today.  Although I am not at a paying job, staying home with the twins all day has proved to be much more exhausting.   My neck has also been 'jacked up' since Monday.  The right side has been extremely painful/uncomfortable.  It doesn't help that I cannot take any serious pain meds for it or my cold either.  Lastly, I have horrible acne everywhere on my face and neck.  WTH.  Currently, I'm going to start a search for a better facial product to help with it.
Boy or girl:  DH thinks it's a girl, "he just knows".  I'm unsure.  I don't think I would prefer one over the other after thinking of all of the benefits.
Emotional state:  I am very tired and very cranky.  I feel a bit depressed a lot of times.  Not being on Zoloft for the last several (6+) months has started to wear on me.  I'm worried that we've bit off more than we can chew.  

Then, I realize that the NICU, twins, PPD, etc have all made me gun-shy (for lack of a better term) about what things could/ would be like.  It won't be easy, but I'm trying to remind myself that only one of the three kids will be under 3 years old when DH goes back to work.   That makes it easier, right???

Baseline #1 and Frostie 'relocation' photos.

Today was my first "Baseline" for FET #2.

I've gone back to the first RE I ever had back home in the Milwaukee area.  There were just too many things pissing me off at the clinic in Waukegan.  The billing department is run by a crazy lady that lies to me face. on voicemails and the phone.  I was done.  Too many charges and too many screw-ups.  (Remember them putting in the wrong embryo in 2011???)

I'm back now to the same doctor I saw to have my last two IUI's, the second which led to my first of two ectopic pregnancies.  Now no one is perfect.  While this clinic is hours closer (i.e: 20 minutes from my new house) and more than 1,000 bucks cheaper, it seems to have a couple nurses with heads up their butts.  For the last month or two one nurse has been telling me my FET transfer date would be 3-5 days later then it actually should be.  I may not have a nursing degree but I have done this a few times-- apparently they have not???  I had the dates I assumed confirmed today by the RE.

Anyways, today was my baseline.  The new clinic does things a bit differently then my old clinic.  It makes me nervous because last time worked.

These things include:

• Hardly any meds.  I take BCP, estrogen pills and Progesterone in Oil (PIO).   The last clinic was that with the addition of medrol, tetracycline, progesterone suppository, lupron, low-dose aspirin and probably something else. . . 
• This clinic does not do blood tests during the baseline u/s. 
• There is no hand written specific plan made out for me with individualized dates.  Just a generic form I could have printed off their website.  
• We have yet to have training for the PIO.  Not that we haven't done that shot a billion times, but it was 2 1/2 years ago and we could use a refresher. 
• No OTC Ovulation Predictor kits (OPK).

Between all those things and my RE almost canceling my FET this cycle, I'm a little concerned and stressed. Yep, all because he clearly never even looked at my file to see that I have a HUGE hydrosalphinx in my right fallopian tube.  He thought it was a giant cyst and declared that I'd be going back onto BCP for another month.  I asked him if he was perhaps looking at my hydro.  Yep, the u/s tech was.  DUH!!!!  He then said it could still be a problem with pregnancy.  I asked how that could be so since I had my tubes disconnected back in 2010?  

Yep, didn't see that either.  

How exactly is this supposed to make me feel more comfortable?  

It's not that I'm expecting a lot from any clinic.  I just want to feel as though I am an individual patient.  That you took TWO SECONDS to look at my file and see some SIGNIFICANT areas that should be addressed.  Especially since I just laid down $3,000 upon entering your clinic and hauled both of my embryos over 100 miles from my previous clinic to yours.  (See below). 

The boys wishing the safe journey to their fraternal "twin" embryo siblings.  Well, the container anyways.  I was on the way to pick up the frosties.  Sorry--they never sit still.

The fro sties in their mobile storage device.  Cruising with Mom along I-94N and the scenic side streets to their new home in Milwaukee.  Welcome to WI embies!

One last smooch before they leave me again to go into the deep-freeze in their new (temporary) home.

Back to the baseline Results.

Well the FET is still on for the approx. date of Oct 8th.  I will have another baseline u/s on Oct 2nd to make sure everything is a "go".  My lining looked good--and I had no cysts ;)

Perhaps he will remember me next time--or at least glance at my file before he walks in.  One can only hope. 

Today is my V-day! 24 weeks!. . . and I'm fat!

We've made it to 24 weeks! This is known as the good 'ol Viability day, or "V-day"! This means babies born at this stage of the pregnancy have a chance at survival with today's medical technology, etc, etc. However, I have read that a baby was born at 21 weeks and survived as well. That is crazy!

All the same it is a huge milestone for us. It is finally beginning to settle in that these boys are coming home with us at some point. That they must be real--not just part of my imagination!

They are also kicking a moving around a lot. I will be curious to see what position they are in now at the next perinatologist appointment--mid-August.

I am also feeling big as a house. Looking at the drawing above it shows what a woman pregnant with a single, twins, triplets and quads looks like (approx.) at 24 weeks. That I, at 24 weeks, am as big as a singleton Mom at 32 weeks! No wonder I feel like there is nothing I can wear anymore! I pretty much want to live in my stretchy pants, but DH thinks they look bad. So I can't wear them out. I also tried on a dress I bought at the end of June on Zulily hoping to wear it about this point of the pregnancy. I put it on and it felt a little big yet, but more on the side of roomy and comfortable. Problem is, I showed it to DH and he said he didn't like it either. That is didn't "show my shape well."

I tried to tell him, "I have no shape anymore. My shape is 'huge'". I got pretty discouraged. I couldn't find anything that was remotely comfortable for humid Wisconsin in August that showed any kind of 'shape' he might be remembering. I sat there and cried about how much weight I have gained in the last year. I had worked so hard to get in down to a pretty good place. And then--two ectopic pregnancies, IVF, FET, bedrest, medication, stress and 24 weeks of preggo-ness happened. I wouldn't change the way things have gone because my babies are growing at the rate of singletons in there. But it is still very frustrating not being able to wear the things you want without looking ridiculous!

So, the 'girl you remember with that shape'???

That girl has died. That shape--went with her. And you helped me kill her! :)

The woman standing in front of you that is 24 weeks pregnant with twin boys is not (unfortunately) shaped like before. OR shaped like any of the uber-skinny women who got pregnant and even now weigh less that I did before the pregnancy. *Sigh*

So begins the balance between comfort and appearance. Do I wear extremely uncomfortable outfits that make me look slightly better? Or do I say, "Screw what everyone else thinks, I could nap in this damnit!"

Week 23 stats!

While awaiting the big move into our new place (which we hope to have happen next week) I am trying to find some spare time to keep up with my good 'ol blog here. Darn, it has been hard the last few weeks! BUT! We have officially moved out of and SOLD our old house. Now we are staying with my in-laws (yes, my in-laws) for about 11 days until we close on the new place.

Sheesh! I can't wait to start sharing photos of the new nursery!!!

Week 23 stats! The babies are as big as Papayas!!!

Weight Gain: Since the FET, I have gained approx 20 lbs. Good grief. I hope I only gain about another 10 by the end of the pregnancy since it should be slowing down beginning next week!

Cravings: Still love Coke with ice and I also cannot get enough fruit! Pretty much all kinds but I have been devouring peaches in the mornings and love watermelon.

Nauseous: When I need to eat or when I need to roll over at night and find myself in a strange position.

Belly touches: DH, and now I've told my MIL she can one a day at night while we are staying with her. I know she'll like that, even though I feel strange as Hell. :)

Feeling: Pretty good but still dragging by the end of the day. I decided to have a "Spa Day" today to help me relax. Things are so much cheaper near my in-laws, away from the big city. I had a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. The woman who did my massage and nail appointments was also pregnant, although about two months behind me with a singleton. It was nice to talk with her about a few pregnancy topics and get pampered at the same time. I feel much better now. :D

Emotional state: We are awaiting completion of each of the items from our home inspection. As you might imagine, things will be up in the air and tinged with the stench of stress until we have signed the papers and moved in. I also feel less able to accept things and be tolerant.

Movement: Moving throughout the day quite a bit. But there is no consistent schedule I've noticed, but they seem to move most at the beginning and end of the day.

Maternity clothes: I can't wear much of anything outside of maternity clothes these days. There are some stretchy T-shirts and tanks I can still wear, but I only like to wear them if they are long. I have also recently purchased a few Fall sweaters for when the weather turns and some organic/bamboo pads "Bamboobies" for any "nip-leakage". I can't wait for that day. . . .

Nesting: As soon as we move in to the new place (fingers crossed) next week the massive nesting begins!

Baby purchases: Tons of clothes, shoes, a few books and soon we will purchase the bedroom set(s).

Baby gifts: None this week, but we are anxiously awaiting the shower in September/ October.

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th, everyone!

Today brings happy thoughts and a bit of sadness to DH and I. Today we are pregnant with two boys who are coming this Fall! But today is also the due date for the baby (babies) we lost due to my second ectopic pregnancy back in November 2010. They were cute little buddies, weren't they? :)

It's a comforting thought to know that now we are pregnant. It makes me think back on the very emotional and dark days we had last year and how wonderful it is that we are successfully pregnant now. I can't wait to meet our baby boys this November!!! Mommy and Daddy have waited for SO long! :)

In other, lighter news, my mind has been racing lately with the thought of actually DELIVERING these Boys!

So of course the fireworks in my head have collected themselves into bursts of energy when looking into nursery inspirations. Here are a few of my faves. (Keep in mind, DH wants the furniture to be expresso brown and NOT white). Thoughts???

This one from last time. . . .

Currently, DH and I have started the search for items that match each of our favorite colors: Green and Orange. I found a jumping off point from this poster on the "Land of Nod" site.

Although I love the colors on their own, with the expresso brown furniture I feel it needs some brightening up. Perhaps using white and silver/metal accents in the room?

I also love a grey wall color, one with a hint of brown/taupe.

Do I need something else to lighten it up? Like a splash of blue or yellow? Or is that too much?

I want the room to look fresh, bright and tasteful without overstimulating babies that should be sleeping! :)

Hmmm. . . Good thing I've got a few more weeks ahead of me.

Suggestions greatly appreciated! :)

Again, Happy fourth!

18 weeks preggo with TWO BOYS!

My bad, everyone.

I had intended to post on Sunday after we had told everyone and I could make a weekly update. But with the Open House, every day showings and constant cleaning before and after--not to mention hunting down the cats to take in the car for our hour+ wait-- I have not had the time. I can only imagine what this will be like hen we have the dang kids-- Oh did I mention-- they're both BOYS.

Holy cow, eh?

DH and I were convinced we had one of each in there. No idea why we thought that, but we did. Perhaps it was because our perinatologist was so sure one of them was a boy back at 12 weeks and didn't know on the other one yet. Clearly, Baby A was not cooperating then--and still wasn't at the last check-up.

We had a LONG ultrasound with not the nicest tech doing it. At one point she actually said, "This baby is not nice at all." Umm. Excuse me. Perhaps you're the one who can't do their job-- babies are babies--they do whatever the Hell they want.

Anyways, We got to see the two again and despite Baby A's awkward position (they were right on top of one another-- each head next to the other's feet) we got some pretty good 3-D photos of them. (Soon to come when DH scans them for me).

What was a little concerning is that Baby A's placenta is on my cervix. Not completely covering the whole thing, but enough that the Doctor put me on "pelvic rest" until we see some change. Her hope is that as the uterus expands it will continue to move away from the cervix and not more onto it. Yeah, lets hope. A placenta previa will put me on bedrest for sure!

In other news-- I hate going to OB appointments. They are completely pointless when you have a perinatologist. I go in and pay to have her find the heart beats for two seconds and then leave. Why do I waste my time and money for that? Within a few days I see the specialist and get the king of all thorough ultrasounds. So someone please explain to me what the point is. I am a lost and confused preggo lady.

The babies look pretty good from what I can tell. Baby A had a heartbeat of 153 b/m and weighed about 8 ounces. Baby B's heart rate was 142 b/m and weighed about 7 ounces.

Now for my weekly stats.

Weight Gain: About 8 pounds now. I seem to be gaining 2-3 pounds per week. I feel like that is a lot. My books say at my weight I only need to gain 1-1.5 pounds per week. So I am going to try and be even more careful about what I'm putting in.

Here's my belly at 18 weeks. . .

Cravings: Teas, Cheetos puffs (although I haven't had any), gazpacho.

Nauseous: Just the occasional one when I begin to eat in the AM.

Belly touches: DH, friend, fellow art teacher and my Uncle Joe talked right to them on Friday when we told him and my Dad they are two boys. (My Dad is an identical twin). His twin Brother, My Uncle, is crazy mind you-- doesn't everyone have at least one crazy Uncle? He pretty much grabbed my belly and yells something like, "Hey babies! We are gonna part-aayy!"

Feeling: Good Lord. The right side is still driving me nuts. I also don't feel that "Second trimester burst of energy" that people talk about. Yes, I am less nauseous, but I certainly don;t feel like my old self. Maybe it's a multiples thing.

Boy or girl: Sorry, no blue cake to reveal. We decided against it since my parents couldn't come on the same day as DH's parents. We ended up telling them both separately, which was totally fine. I am pretty sure DH's Mom wanted at least one girl, but I'm sure she'll get over it.

Emotional state: Up and down. I feel kinda bummed sometimes--but I think it's mostly because I am bored. I'd love to clean this house from top to bottom and decorate the nursery--but I can't. Not on;y do I not have the energy, but our hope is that we will sell this place and find a new home with a much better room and layout. So there isn't much point in becoming too invested or involved in designing one here until we know for sure that we have to stay put.

Movement: I feel sudden pains and jolts but nothing I can say is for sure a baby movement.

Maternity clothes: My new maternity swim suits are pretty sweet! I got both of these from 'A Pea in the Pod' on sale.

Nesting: Again. Awaiting our house sale for most of it. However, I did organize the downstairs closet on what used to be my office. It now holds all of our baby things. I could stand in there at stare at it all damn day.

Baby purchases: Oh geeze. DH and I had a Kohls shopping marathon last Friday after we knew they were two Boys. We pretty much bought everything in the store that we wanted--getting quite a few things on clearance. In addition, we went rummaging that same day and found a lot of new things for super cheap. Since then I have looked in the clearance of every baby store buying the good deals. I have also washed each item, bought blue velvet hangers and size separator tags to use in the closet.

My problem now is trying not to boy every cute piece of clothing I see that is on sale or clearance. But MAN! It's so hard not to now that we now there are two little Boys coming this Fall!

Week 17 (and 2 days...)

The babies are as big as Onions. They weigh about 5 1/2 ounces and are over 5 inches in length!

DH and I are starting to come to terms with the fact that these babies are for real. Now that I am on Summer break (and a 4-5 year Mommy break) I find myself thinking about babies all damn day long. And it's GREAT! I can't wait to decorate the nursery-- choosing each item, making sure I got the best thing possible for them. But there is SO much to choose from! Depending upon if we have boys or girls or a boy and a girl, will determine what color the cribs and furniture is-- therefore dictating the entire color scheme of the room! So for now, at least until Thursday, I will have to hold off on all of my decorating plans. Oh yes, and we need to sell this house first!

This one's pretty cute though!

Current Stats:

Weight Gain: About 5 pounds since FET. But of course it went down when I was sick in first tri.

Cravings: Popsicles, ICE cold water, and organic applesauce.

Nauseous: Kind of gone for the most part. Just a few occasional bouts.

Belly touches: DH, as always. But my BFF from childhood also gave it rub when she saw me on Saturday. Funny story: As I was choosing my 'slo fe' at Walgreen's today, a man that looked like Charlie Daniels (cowboy hat and all) told me I had a "beautiful bulge". I assumed he was referring to my bump.

Feeling: Still having morning and evening pain on each side--especially the right side. I hope it isn't kidney stone related. I have two stones in my right kidney after all.

Boy or girl: If babies cooperate, we should know by Thursday evening! BUT we may keep it a secret until the weekend. We are hoping to have a 'cake' reveal party for our parents this weekend. Photos will follow if we do! :)

Emotional state: Now that I am on Summer vacation--and frankly a 5 year or so break from teaching-- I feel great! If Wisconsin's weather would improve, I could enjoy more relaxing times at the pool.

Movement: They could be making some movements that I detect--but so far I have pushed them all into the 'gas' and 'bloating' category-- 'cause of course I have that too!

Maternity clothes: Other than my pre-pregnancy stretchy pants and a few tops that are loose, I pretty much exclusively live in maternity wear. I actually have to go purchase a new swim suit for the Summer. My bump is getting BIG! I should post some photos. . .

Nesting: Had a bunch of people come to look at our house already. Two showings seem like there still may be some life to them, but we still have another 3 this week and an open house on Sunday. Pretty much everyday of the week (sometimes several times during the day) we are taking the cats out of the house and trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. Someone PLEASE buy this place!

Baby purchases: Ordered a bunch of cute onesies and baby T's form "Threadless". DH and I love their shirts. The outfits are pretty gender neutral and 'hip' either way.

Here's one of our faves:

Last test before FET.

Friday, DH and I went to the RE for the last u/s and blood tests before this Friday's FET.

My goal was 8 for the lining check-- actually it ended up being a bit under. (See above 7.94?) I hope that's okay.

Yesterday, I also began the dreaded Progesterone and HcG shots. It was a bit tricky. . . .we were at a birthday party with family. At 9:45 we had to run-off to the bathroom. DH went in first and I "tried to sneak in". We had very time sensitive shots-- and had to do this one way or another. There was seriously no where else to do this. It probably took us 5-10 minutes.

I decided to walk out first and turn off the lights like no one else was in there with me. . . . but when I opened the door, the entire party was staring at me and "Oooh", "AHHHH-ing" me. DH stayed in there for a few extra minutes to avoid most of the comments. I took the brunt of it and tried to play it off. Right now just about all of my family members think we were in there for a quickie. . . .great.

But they shots were done. Now my ass is sore and my family thinks I'm a skank. I can't wait until I can tell them what was actually happening-- nothing erotic--at all.

On to the progesterone, tetracycline and medrol.

When enough is enough. . . .

When is enough really, ...enough!?

On the "bump" someone posed the question about how many IVF's do you believe you would do; would you let your RE decide for you and trust their advice?

This got me thinking. . . . WHen would I throw in the towel. . . could I really ever give up? Will there be a point when I can't go on anymore?

I've come to the conclusion that the short answer is: When I run out of money.

The Long answer?

Since we have already done one entirely OOP without refund and had a BPF turned to BFN we have used some of our cash. Now I am doing the FET with our first two frosties. . . and if we get bad news, another round with the other two frosties will follow.

Once all frosties are gone. . . we would move to a "Shared Risk" plan. It comes with three IVF cycles and any FET's.

If after three additional IVF's and FET's we are still not preggo-- I'd have to re-evaluate my mental state.

If we're still sane, I'd re-use the money we'd be refunded towards however many cycles it gave us. Then-- admit defeat; wave the white flag.

Hopefully, it won't come to that.