Last test before FET.

Friday, DH and I went to the RE for the last u/s and blood tests before this Friday's FET.

My goal was 8 for the lining check-- actually it ended up being a bit under. (See above 7.94?) I hope that's okay.

Yesterday, I also began the dreaded Progesterone and HcG shots. It was a bit tricky. . . .we were at a birthday party with family. At 9:45 we had to run-off to the bathroom. DH went in first and I "tried to sneak in". We had very time sensitive shots-- and had to do this one way or another. There was seriously no where else to do this. It probably took us 5-10 minutes.

I decided to walk out first and turn off the lights like no one else was in there with me. . . . but when I opened the door, the entire party was staring at me and "Oooh", "AHHHH-ing" me. DH stayed in there for a few extra minutes to avoid most of the comments. I took the brunt of it and tried to play it off. Right now just about all of my family members think we were in there for a quickie. . . .great.

But they shots were done. Now my ass is sore and my family thinks I'm a skank. I can't wait until I can tell them what was actually happening-- nothing erotic--at all.

On to the progesterone, tetracycline and medrol.

Apt with RE tomorrow--and AF today.

I was awoken --again--by morning cramps.

Why does this always happen? I can't even get a good night's rest!

Anyways, I have the long awaited appointment with my RE tomorrow at 1:30pm. It was enough drama just trying to get the appointment in the first place. But DH and I have made a list of questions to ask about WTF happened with the last IVF, what the surgery is like, how long it take to recover, and if we should even have it in the first place!

I hope to have a few updates when I return.

My hope for all of this is to fix every problem possible and have a successful FET in March--and that they code it so my insurance will pay for it. There's always a way--perhaps a concentration on a "check for endometriosis". :)

CD9 and counting. . .

It appears I am VERY close to my ER.

The estimated date was 10.10.10. I think they may be right. It will most likely either be Sunday or Monday. Tricky when you are a teacher. I have to make and prepare sub-plans tonight for Monday in case I am not in. BAH!

Either way, it will be worth it--I just have to find the motivation to get my butt in gear.

In other news, Yesterday was a bit of a mess with scheduling my day. I was running on a tight schedule hoping to get back to school in time to teacher ALL of my classes that day. However, before we even got a few miles down he highway, there was a HUGE accident and it pushed us 30-40 minutes late. . . which of course threw everything else off for the rest of the day. I have to say though, with all the driving DH and I have been doing down to IL over the past few weeks, we are simply thankful it was not us in the fatal car accident.

Today, went much better. It was a halfway calm day. We went in, I got poked for blood work and an u/s and then DH made his "emergency deposit".

Allow me to explain: If there was any trouble with DH providing a "sample", "deposit", "splooge" on the ER date, we'd be screwed. So to take stress off of DH and to give us some added security, DH did a "just in case sample" that will be checked and frozen today. If for whatever reason he can't give on on ER date, they will just use the frozen sample from today. it's an extra 100 bucks, but compared to what this whole thing has cost us in time and money--that's chump change.

We also got more update on follie sizes. (See sidebar to right).

I'm pretty happy with where things are right now. In a way its good to know that not 43 follies have grown to 16mm. On the other hand, I wish more of them would grow faster and catch up with their bigger sisters. As long as they are big and strong or "Big is beautiful" as the u/s tech said today, then it will all be okay. (16mm is needed).

Hopefully, tomorrow is the last "during a school day" that I will have to travel to the RE and then to school. For ER and ET, when I'm back--I stay put!

BRING IT!!!

CD3 testing for DH and I, plus injects training.

I'm not sure what it all entails but we've got to be at the RE by 7 am tomorrow morning to do the blood draws and injects training. That means we need to leave no later than 5:45am . . . BAH!

I assume they will get the tests back quickly and we can get our "tentative schedule" for the rest of the IVF process.

I'll update when I get back . . . yeah, before I head to work.

So get this shit.

Today was my first meeting with the new RE.

At noon, we drove an hour into another state to get there. Once we arrived we headed into the ultrasound room for another appointment with the dildo cam. A lady with one of the thickest accents I have ever heard introduced herself (I think?) and did the procedure. It was a lengthy u/s. It lasted at least 20 minutes, during which she told us I had a "beautiful uterus . . .just beuatiful". That was about the last good news we heard that day. She told me it looked like my blockage was in my right tube, not my left. I told her my ectopic was on the left side-- I was sure of it. She said she didn't see anything in my left tube, but the right side definitely had something in it, a mass of fluid.

After we completed the u/s, blood pressure, weight and height check, we sat in the waiting room . . . and sat. . . and finally I asked if we were going to have to wait another 30 minutes past our appointment time.

Eventually they took us back to see the new RE. He's an interesting guy. Kind of a smart-ass and not easily impressed--unless you have statistics to show him. He discussed my u/s photos with us. He began by telling me how I have a hydrosalpinx or "hydro" in my right tube. (See above: Third picture from the bottom on the left). Basically this means my right tube is most likely blocked from receiving follicles from my right ovary. Not only that, but he also said (and I have also read) that even though we "bypass" the tubes with an IVF, if this is not treated before the IVF procedure if can lessen the chances of getting pregnant from IVF. IN addition if I do become pregnant from IVF the "hyrdo" fluid my leak into my uterus (since the blockage won't let it out the other end like it is supposed to) and harm the developing fetus, causing miscarriage.

FUCKING GREAT.

He suggested I should (without actually saying "I need to") have another HSG to see if in fact fluid is getting through as it was in January. If there is no blockage, I should be fine. If there is a proven blockage, he said I need to have a laparoscopyto either clear the blockage or "better yet" remove the whole tube. . . . . . . What? Here is my Re's explanation of the process.

Not only do I not want to have any of my organs removed, go through another painful HSG (or pay for one), or have a painful laparoscopy procedure that can cost up to $27,000-- I don't have time time to even take off for any of these procedures! Especially the 2-3 weeks off he recommends after the lap! I am starting a new job at a school. Teachers can't just take weeks off.

This is insane. I just want to get to the point where we are making progress. I am sick of falling into a new hole every time I try and move onto the next step. I am sick, tired, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I haven;t felt like myself since the beginning of JULY!

I feel depressed. For the first time in this whole journey, I feel like I'm losing hope. I don;t know if I can see the light at the end of this tunnel anymore. Before, I felt hopeful almost happy about the experience. Telling myself, "This will make me so much happier when we finally have our baby . . . blah, blah, blah."
Now, I'm not sure if we will ever have our own biological child.

On the way home from the RE apt, I told my DH, "Maybe we should just adopt."

And I was serious.

I'm not sure how much more disappointment I can take. I haven't even begun the IVF process and I'm already discouraged. That's not a good sign. I just want this so damn badly my head is making me think crazy. I feel like I cry at the drop of a hat the last few days. DH and I got into an argument the other day and I pretty much snapped. I really don't know if this is something an IF therapist is really going to make me feel any better about. Maybe the planned acupuncture will help?


All we can think to do is call my old RE and see if he will do an HSG with sedation. He had discussed with us on Aug 5th that we should do that if we wanted to continue with IUI's. He also said he gives patients some kind of pain relief (sedation, meds?) to help and he doesn't know why all doc's don't do that for the procedure. I agree completely. If he gives sedation with the procedure, I will have one with him and see if anything is blocked or not.

If it isn't blocked we move onto IVF at the new RE without a worry. Most likely doing the 100% money back plan.

If my tube or tubes are blocked we will try one IVF and FET cycle OOP (out of pocket without a "shared risk" plan) at the new RE hoping and praying to get a BPF and successful delivery.

If we do the IVF and FET cycle and no baby, . . .we will see what we want to do when we get to it. Perhaps a lap to remove the blockage/ hydro/ and possible endometriosis. Then, we hope to be able to try again.

I am somewhere around ovulation right now. I have one follicle (good size about 18+) on my left side. But I am afraid to try again "naturally". What if my fears are right and both tubes are shot? I don't think I could handle another ectopic pregnancy.

So I wait for AF to return for the first time since June. When she's here, I will have to do CD3 tests, and a possible HSG.

Good God, what have I gotten us into?

Heading out of town for babies?

Tomorrow, we have our first "Who the Hell are you?" and "Do we want to be here?" appointment with a new RE.

Our issue with the old RE has become more of a money issue. The prices are considerably lower for IVF at the clinic we will visit tomorrow. What I am concerned about is how many extra tests I will have to go through if we do change to the new place. I have no clue what I would have to do to qualify for their "100% back guarantee if you leave without a baby" plan.

Updates tomorrow!

Well, that figures.

I'm going to try and make this as short as possible:

Sunday night I began getting very strong sudden cramps in what felt like my "cervical areas". It started around 8:30pm. I tried to lay in bed to relax. It didn't make anything better. My cramps continued to get worse and closer together. They were like spasms that came between 1-5 minutes apart. I felt like I was having contractions and my cervix was dilating!

At this time, my DH was at a movie with one of our friends. He got home around 10pm and came up to check on me. I told him I'd be okay and that I'd just take another vicodin and try to sleep it off.

Well, about an hour later, he came upstairs after our friend left. I spent the next 2 hours squeezing his hand off. The pain came in waves. It was quite significant. Hovering around a 5 or 6 at the low times and jumping up to 8 and 9 during the spasm. The 2 vicodin weren't even taking the edge off.

DH had finally had enough after 1am. He forced me to go to the ER. I was not happy. I didn't want to go. I was petrified that they would force me into having another pelvic exam and even worse another ultrasound.

Once in the car my cramping temporarily got better only to jump right back as we got closer. DH and I tried to just walk it off a bit before going in. But I finally gave in.

We checked in at the front and then were promptly taken back for the usual blood pressure, temperature, and info gathering. Thankfully, because of my pain level and the shorter wait time, I was able to go straight back into a room.

I changed into the gown and tried to get comfortable. An extremely friendly male nurse came in. He took my blood samples (about 6 of them) and hooked me up for an IV. I really liked this guy. He was one of the better nurses we have ever had there. He began by asking me about why I came in and the whole story. But before, he told us how sorry he was for the ectopic pregnancy. It didn't feel like a routine "I have to say this" kind of apology. We could tell he truly meant it. It was very nice to hear at that moment.

Most of the events that happened after that are a blur. We were so tired (it was now early Monday morning) and the nurse got them to let me have a dose of morphine (4mg) before they did anything else. SO I was a bit loopy.

What I can recall is the doctor finally coming in. I re-explained everything to her. After about 10 minutes of talking it all over, she said she needed to do a pelvic exam and possible ultrasound.

YOU ARE SHITTING ME.

I was not happy. Now I was really pissed at my DH for making me come in. I didn't want to be, but I was. She left and went to get things set up for the pelvic exam. Are you kidding me?!?!? I'm bleeding down there! I'm in massive amounts of pain! And you want to go poking around!?!?! I was really upset.

I told the nurse when he came back in that the pelvic was fine, but there was no way in Hell, I was doing the ultrasound. No way. Seriously.

The doctor came back in for the exam. I hate that damn process. She was poking around for a while and apparently found out I was right! Holy crap-o. My cervix was dilating. It was that pain I was feeling. (Apparently I now know what it feels like to go into labor!)
It is also what happens when a woman is having a miscarriage. My body was simply trying to get rid of the pregnancy and all the "stuff" inside.
While continuing to explore around she called in the head OB doctor to look at something suspicious on my cervix.

So here I am, open for the world to see and she brings in some other guy to check it out. Fun times. He tried to say "Hi" to my DH and I. I told him I'd have to shake his hand later.

They decided to remove the piece of suspicious tissue and send it to the lab. Hopefully, we'll find out what that was in a few days.

She then said that I might need a ultrasound. I flat out told her I wasn't having one. My awesome nurse backed me up. I heart him. :) She said, "okay, your choice".

They came back later with some results from my blood tests. Apparently my HcG had dropped to 92. So the u/s wouldn't even be needed. --This of course didn't matter to me because I wasn't doing it anyways. :) She then said I was pretty much free to leave.

I had one more dose of morphine before they removed the IV. Then, we were on our way. Groggy, but on the way home. We were so glad to find nothing horribly wrong (other than a lot of pain) and to be on the way home--to sleep.



I've been feeling extremely tired and still crampy for the last few days. Not quite myself yet. DH and I fear what might happen next weekend. Hopefully not another trip to the ER. I'm sick of seeing that place.

This Thursday, I have a follow up with my current RE. I haven't seen or talked to him since the IUI July 1st. I will talk to him about my ectopic, the last ER visit, and what he thinks we should do next.

DH and I will have to carefully consider what he says. On the 24th I see my possible new RE in IL. A longer drive for sure but if I'm going to have better care, it's worth it.

Phew. Hopefully this is a quiet week.

New look, New cycle.

Sorry for the major delay in posts.

I am now going to give you a list of excuses.

1. End of the school year wrapping up.
2. Beginning a new teaching job.
3. Vacation.
4. Selling a house.
5. Deep down, feeling like I need a break from chats and blogs for a while.

Yep, I felt like I maybe needed to try IUI#2 without too much jabbering about it. Sometimes it's a stress relief, other times, it stresses the Hell out of me. And NO amount of stress is good for trying to make baby.

However, now that I know IUI#2, too, is a BFN (Big Fat Negative), I will recap for those of you playing at home. . .

The IUI was my first at the new RE. To make along story short, When DH went in to make his "deposit" the woman who took us to the room was soooooo bizzare that I'm not sure if I could ever really explain her.
She began by explaining in her VERY fast high pitched voice how she was sorry she was late (45 minutes) that she gets lost all the time and that even her younger daughter has to tell her how to find her way around. She was about 40 years old, skinny, had braces, and was the biggest boner-killer --EVER.

Inside the room, they supplied much more than the OB's office. She explained not only did they have a TV with VHS and DVD player, they had "The cabinet 'o porn". When she finally left, I began to poke around. . . Inside was a stack of magazines : Playboy (with a UFC ring girl on the cover), Low Rider (for the more bashful types), and some DIRTY A$$ girl-on-girl action editions. Yep. But that's not all folks! They also had the DVD and VHS collection. . . the names fail me now but I do remember that the VHS was "volume 12" of 'something or other'. Blech.

Thankfully, we needed none of that and DH had 24 million post wash.

Around 10:30 I went in for the IUI. (Scheduled for 9:45am, they were late-- AGAIN). The nurse asked me if I minded if the med student that was shadowing my RE could "come in". I said, "Sure, why not."
When my RE and the doc-in-training came in I thought nothing of it. I was back in the stirrups again, ready to go. But then she sits down in the chair, NOT my RE.

WHAT?!?!? WTF!?!?! I paid the SAME price (800 bucks!) to have this TRAINEE do this?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? That is NOT what the nurse said! "Can she come in" is NOT the same as "This chick who still doesn't know what the F#%$ she is doing is going to stick this up your uterus!" NOT. THE. SAME.

But being shocked doesn't put me into action. So this chick did the procedure. Uncomfortable as always and now second guessing how 'accurate this has been'.

Clearly, this whole scenario didn't pan-out the way I was hoping.

Yesterday, I got up in the AM on CD28. I POAS and waited. The brightest SINGLE pink line shows up. I had been feeling crampy for a few days but not as strong as it has been in the past, so I figured I had a decent shot.

I can't blame this on the Trainee, or my RE, or myself. It's just the way it went last cycle.

Onto cycle 12.
At the end of this cycle, we will have been trying for a year. Both with medical help and without. I'm not exactly sure what the next step will be. I remember when we first visited my new RE, he mentioned we would think about moving onto IVF after IUI#3. Well, this cycle IS IUI#3. . . does that mean I am staring IVF/ZIFT right in the face? I'm hoping my RE will give me the tests that are normally done on CD3. He has never done any, yet questions the results from my OBGYN. Strange.

All I know is I feel like I'm doing what I can to get this baby to make it's first appearance in my UTE. IVF is a scary thought, both monetarily, physically, and emotionally. Not to mention the lengthy amount of time it takes. I hope this summer brings me a stress-free pregnancy. But just-in-case, I've begun reading "The Complete Book of International Adoption". One can never be too prepared. . .

Updates when I hear 'em.

IUI # 2--In the AM.

Last night, I checked my LH levels again.
To me, it seems obvious, that you may check your LH at 7am on Tuesday with no surge to be found. However, 20 minutes later you could be in business. But you wouldn't find out until the next day if you only check in the morning. Going by that--I could be a day late.

So hommie no play that.

I checked last night around 10:00pm and low and behold SURGE! Big smiley face. I ran in to show DH because it is the first time a stick has ever read good news for us. Why not get excited?

This all means that tomorrow (Thursday) at 8:00am DH goes in to toss some more swimmers in a cup. 9:45am I'm back laying down with my feet in the stirrups. (Not the most romantic way to make a baby--but I'm way over that now.)

It's the second try for IUI, but the first at my new RE's office. So after three rounds of clomid, and two IUI's we are hoping for a miracle. I'm also checking into an acupuncturist but more on that later.

Updates tomorrow after the procedure. I'll be lounging around for the afternoon, so I'll have plenty of time to write my blog and chat in the IF chatroom.

Toss some baby dust on us and wish us super sperm!

Didn't even get to POAS.

BFN. BFFN.

I was so looking forward to peeing on that stick tomorrow. I have been so anxious this cycle. I thought the IUI was our "cure". We were hoping my CM (Cervical mucus) was hostile as Hell. We prayed that the green ninjas were kicking ass in the entry way of my baby house. Therefore, the IUI would bypass them and drop those swimmers off right at the egg. Presto embryo.

Apparently not.

My cramps actually woke me up out of a dead sleep at 1:30am. I couldn't get to sleep until 1600mg of ibuprofen knocked me out an hour later. I knew what I felt yesterday morning were cramps!
I'm bummed to say the very least. I think I've gotten to the point where crying doesn't really occur to me anymore. I feel almost numb with the whole ordeal. Do I not care? Am I just subconsciously protecting myself? Am I holding back the floodgates waiting for the BFP? I'm not sure I will know until that day comes. All I know, is that I am sick of waitin'--and there's definitely no "patiently" about it.

So now what?
Now I have to go back to my new RE that I'm not so happy with after our first meeting. Not only did my DH and I wait an hour after our apt. time, but we left feeling like we were part of a drive by. First, he boldly declared upon first meeting me, that my OBGYN (Whom I've been with for about 15 years) was wrong about my PCOS diagnosis and that I don't have it--WITHOUT TESTING ME AT ALL. He declared it sounds more like endometriosis. Then, he said that I should go off Metformin--WITHOUT TESTING ME AT ALL. Then, said that we should just "try on our own" for two months so we could get to the "magical one year mark". Then, he contradicted himself by saying we should do two more rounds of IUI and then go to IVF.

Oh, and did I mention how he spent most of the time implying how I am overreacting and being worried for nothing? Yeah. He made me feel like I had no idea what I was talking about and that I've basically wasted my time and money worrying about this. I assume that also means he must have thought I was wasting his time as well. Ironic since he wasted an hour of our time before we were called back to see him.

So where do I go from here? What do I do?

I don't know. I suppose I'm going to call the RE office and have them send my Rx for Clomid and HcG again. Then do the u/s (Ultrasound) and hope for a good follie or two. IUI? I suppose, unless he changes his mind again.
I'm just frustrated and bummed out. My new (VERY EXPENSIVE) RE isn't supportive, but I don't know where else to go.

What I do know is, I'm taking tomorrow off. (Gotta pregnant high school student in class--can't stand to face her tomorrow).

It's time for a Pro.

After much debate and research, I've decided.

I'm headed to the Reproductive Endocrinologist. (RE)

My gut (no pun intended) has been telling me to go see the expert instead of my OBGYN for a long time. I think that the possibility (If I'm not prego by the weekend) that things are not going to progress "normally" is what is causing me to make the switch. (Other than waiting for distant appointment times, long waits in the doctor, different doctors each time, etc etc etc). The next step was supposed to be IUI. I'll leave that to the experts, thank you.

I think I am going to be much happier with a place that is dedicated to my problems instead of a place that is juggling a million types of appointments and I'm fighting or one of them.

Hopefully, I can get in before the beginning of the next cycle.