Ultrasound.

Quick update: Ultrasound #3 was today.

I have THREE follies that are worth mentioning. (Apparently my clomid is working).

On the left side: 20mm x 17mm

On the right side: 20mm x 15mm, AND 23mm x 22mm!!! That baby is a honker!

My lining was also 7.39mm. So average, I think. That means, they probably won't switch me to the other medication. . . . however, with my RE, I never kn ow what is going on.

IUI #3 is soon to come. Just waiting for that LH surge! (NO HcG--trying without it). My RE thinks it will be tonight or tomorrow . . . tick-tock, tick-tock. . .

Clomid, Round 4.

Began round four of Clomid today. Hoping for another month with next to no crazy symptoms.

However, if I ever have to use drugs again to cycle, I will most likely be moving onto a drug called Femara. Typically given to women for breast cancer treatment, I may also be taking it to help my follicles grow. The difference is Clomid can thin the lining of my uterus, while Femara won't. Again, hope we don't have to get that far. . . .

On clomid--again. AND THE AC IS BROKEN!!!

On clomid for the third time around.

IUI#2 is tentatively set for June 2nd.

My hot flashes re kicking in, it's 90 degrees, and I'm stressing about babies, my current job, starting a new job, selling our house, and buying a new one.

Oh, and the AC is broken. WTF!

I am hot flashin' here people and the stupid AC is broken!?!?! What the Hell is up with this crap!? Is the universe really out to get me?

Lame sauce.

Didn't even get to POAS.

BFN. BFFN.

I was so looking forward to peeing on that stick tomorrow. I have been so anxious this cycle. I thought the IUI was our "cure". We were hoping my CM (Cervical mucus) was hostile as Hell. We prayed that the green ninjas were kicking ass in the entry way of my baby house. Therefore, the IUI would bypass them and drop those swimmers off right at the egg. Presto embryo.

Apparently not.

My cramps actually woke me up out of a dead sleep at 1:30am. I couldn't get to sleep until 1600mg of ibuprofen knocked me out an hour later. I knew what I felt yesterday morning were cramps!
I'm bummed to say the very least. I think I've gotten to the point where crying doesn't really occur to me anymore. I feel almost numb with the whole ordeal. Do I not care? Am I just subconsciously protecting myself? Am I holding back the floodgates waiting for the BFP? I'm not sure I will know until that day comes. All I know, is that I am sick of waitin'--and there's definitely no "patiently" about it.

So now what?
Now I have to go back to my new RE that I'm not so happy with after our first meeting. Not only did my DH and I wait an hour after our apt. time, but we left feeling like we were part of a drive by. First, he boldly declared upon first meeting me, that my OBGYN (Whom I've been with for about 15 years) was wrong about my PCOS diagnosis and that I don't have it--WITHOUT TESTING ME AT ALL. He declared it sounds more like endometriosis. Then, he said that I should go off Metformin--WITHOUT TESTING ME AT ALL. Then, said that we should just "try on our own" for two months so we could get to the "magical one year mark". Then, he contradicted himself by saying we should do two more rounds of IUI and then go to IVF.

Oh, and did I mention how he spent most of the time implying how I am overreacting and being worried for nothing? Yeah. He made me feel like I had no idea what I was talking about and that I've basically wasted my time and money worrying about this. I assume that also means he must have thought I was wasting his time as well. Ironic since he wasted an hour of our time before we were called back to see him.

So where do I go from here? What do I do?

I don't know. I suppose I'm going to call the RE office and have them send my Rx for Clomid and HcG again. Then do the u/s (Ultrasound) and hope for a good follie or two. IUI? I suppose, unless he changes his mind again.
I'm just frustrated and bummed out. My new (VERY EXPENSIVE) RE isn't supportive, but I don't know where else to go.

What I do know is, I'm taking tomorrow off. (Gotta pregnant high school student in class--can't stand to face her tomorrow).

The ultrasound results.

Yesterday was another long-awaited moment. Although it was just the ultrasound, I was dying to see if my clomid had worked!

Well, it looks like it did enough so far.

I have one really good lookin' follicle on the right side (again). Apparently, the left side hates me. Either way, I have the green light for my very first IUI tomorrow.

I've heard many differing opinions on whether IUI is actually a form of ART or Assisted Reproductive Technology. Some say, yes, others say, no. All I know is there is definitely some assistance going on here that is out of the "norm".

So what does that all mean?

Read here to get all the technical jargon, but my version (dumbed down version) is this:

Yesterday, we had the ultrasound and found one really good follicle on my right side (see picture above).
The well developed follicle gave us the "go" for taking my second HcG shot last night around 11pm. DH did another great job of administering the shot. I always forget how painless the tiny needle is in my giant rear end. This shot tells the follicle to "RELEASE THAT EGG!!!" So hopefully if all goes as planned, Ovulation happens 36 hours later= 11am Friday.

Therefore, Friday morning, the man and I have called in to work (YES!) and will be making a trip to the OBGYN. My hubby will make a "deposit" at the doc around 10:15. Then they supposedly spin the Hell out of those suckers to remove any extra fluids and then load up the catheter--to prepare for me. I think they tell us how good his swimmers are at that point. (This news will possibly give me info that would allow me to change his eating and drinking habits :) Then, about 11am, I will have the IUI procedure (see gross looking photo below).

I hope and pray this works. Perhaps I have hostile cervical mucus and this is all we need to do to become pregnant. I love that phrase, "Hostile mucus".

In additional to all of this, next week Tuesday, I have my first appointment with my schnazzy RE. So yes, this IS the last appointment I will have with my OBGYN until I am pregnant. I'm ready for the big dogs if this does not work. BUT IT WILL WORK.

I am trying to be as confident as I can at each step. But this IS a big one. So wish me luck and toss a bucket of baby dust in my direction. I head to my FIRST IUI in the morning!!!! I am very excited.

Quit cryin' ya big baby!

Clomid is making me a wuss.

I haven't had very many symptoms from the clomiphene. . . well, until yesterday.

I was listening to my man, Michael Jackson in my car on the way home. Normal for me.

Then, all of a sudden, I broke into this 20 minute sobbing cry about Michael Jackson. First I was sad again about his death, then I was mad about how he was treated by perfect strangers (and his loser, Dad), then I told him I would make one of my pieces of art this Summer about him. . . then I was sad I wasn't pregnant, then, I was back to MJ. . . UGH.

The funniest part is that I would have momentary pauses where I would stop and say to myself, "Oh my God. This is ridiculous. Gotta be the clomid--gotta be. . . ha ha! Ha ha --waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

I am a hormonal mess. It's kinda funny.

Clomiphene, Day 1

Dizziness, Nausea, vomiting, mood swings, hot flashes, multiple births (twins, etc.), headaches, breast tenderness. . .

Those are just a few of the symptoms my Clomiphene Rx said I could expect. However, I am only taking 50mg and on day one. So far, nothin'.

I did feel hot today, but I was moving furniture outside in the sun on an 80 degree day. Pretty sure that wasn't the pills.

When I asked my DH if I "was moody today", he simply said, in his usual manner, "No." I'll take that, my quiet, watching TV and trying to ignore me, husband. I'll take that.

But tomorrow, it is "pill two" or "pill numero dos", if you talk strangely like I do. Is it strange that I am looking forward to the bizarre symptoms? At least the mild ones. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to become nauseous or vomit. But a good old fashioned night sweat or turkey timer titties might be kinda fun. After all, I need to enjoy my money, right?

Updates to come when symptoms arise. But FYI: the plans for this week have been drastically changed from what I thought they would be for our fertility plans. I'll let you in on it by Monday :) HAPPY SPRING BREAK TO ME!!!!

Dun, dun, duuuuunnnnn!!!!

Yep, tomorrow's the day.

For all teacher's it is exciting. SPRING BREAK begins with the ringing of the last bell. But the best part is my three month "Just keep trying" period is OVER. Let me say that again, O-V-E-R. Tomorrow, I will get my Rx for clomid (AKA:clomiphene citrate).

I have to say though. After chatting with some extremely helpful women in "The Bump" chat room for infertility, I am less nervous in some respects, while more curious in others.

For example: I think I will save myself 60 dollars each month and go with the generic version of clomid, because, not only is it a lot of money initially (we're talking 80 bucks for 5 pills!), but if I have to bump it up to 100mg or 150mg. . . .that's A LOT of shoe money I'm saving.

Secondly, I am prepared for the night sweats. Not only do I have three, count 'em, three sets of sheets waiting in the wings, I also have the spare bed ready for my DH if it gets "too damp". However, perhaps this won't be so bad . . . .HA! There's always dreaming, right?

Lastly, I am "curious" as to how much of a raging bitch I will turn into after I've been on this for a while. I like to think most days I can be rather chill. However, I do know my Croatian temper can sometimes get the best of me---and my husband. I don't know if he is "curious" so much as scared shitless.

So I will keep you posted. I'm also in the market for a good RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist). Hopefully, that will soothe any question I have about my OBGYN's advice.

ON TILL MORNING.