27+ weeks and DH is back in school.

Today DH went back to work, teaching the young minds of Wisconsin.

I miss him already. I mean, I actually have to get up and get my own ice and water now??? I have to remember to eat on my own??? What's up with that?!?! I was so spoiled this Summer.

So now I spend my days continuing the never ending task of unpacking boxes. Moving is a massive headache. Once I think I have unpacked everything we own, I find more boxes of stuff I forgot we had-- many things I can get rid of, but other things I can't get rid of, or am not sure yet if we will need. My theory is to keep most of the 'I think we need that' stuff and if I don't end up using it by next Summer-- it's going into out massive stack of Rummage Sale boxes. Seriously, next Spring-- we are going to have one HELL of a garage sale!

In other news-- I PASSED MY ONE HOUR GESTATIONAL DIABETES TEST!!!!

I can't believe it. I had prepared myself and convinced myself that I would just have to deal with the daily poking and testing. Not to mention my biggest fear-- having to cut down on my fruit consumption! After all, I am carrying multiples, I am not super-slim, and I have been told in the past I am IR and had to go on Metformin for over a year! Go figure!

Both boys are also head down and moving A LOT. I've gotten to see my belly come to life from the outside over the last two weeks. Very 'Aliens'.

Here are some 3-D pictures of the boys at 25 weeks 2 days. (8.16.2011)

Baby A

Baby B

WEEK 27!!! Welcome to the THIRD TRIMESTER, BABIES!!!

Weight Gain: About 25 pounds since the FET in March.

Cravings: I still love fruit-- mainly watermelon :D I also drink a TON of ice water every day. It have to be cold--ice cold. I love it, but I don not love the number of bathroom trips I need to take every hour because of it!

Nauseous: I have found some new chewable vitamins and they make the nauseous side effects disappear. I think they are by the same company that makes the 'belly bars'. Dh says they taste like Flinstones vitamins to him.

Belly touches: DH, my cubette, MIL, Aunt, friend. . . the list continues to grow. AT least people ask :)

Feeling: Sad that DH has gone back to work. It's also strange when the babies move. Sometimes the movement gives me this uncomfortable feeling; almost a sad/depressed feeling. I wish I knew a better way to explain it. Perhaps I am just reminded each time how much I still have to do to get ready for them. I'm afraid it won't all get done in time. What if I have to go on bedrest? I haven't even picked out the paint for the nursery yet and the cribs are coming Saturday!

But other than that-- I feel pretty darn good physically. :)

Emotional state: (See above)

Movement: Like I said above, they move a lot, always in random spurts. DH is so surprised by how strongly they can kick and punch my belly. We still can't believe how lucky we are that they are in there!

Maternity clothes: I've got some nice outfits at this point. I especially love hanging out at home in my new nursing gown/PJ set. So comfy!

Nesting: We are almost decided on the paint color for the nursery. The cribs and dressers are coming Saturday. I ordered the mattresses last night (Naturepedic Organic lightweight). Now we wait for the 'Baby Shower' on the 24th until we buy most other items.

Baby purchases: I've decided to 'wrap-up' buying baby clothes until after the shower. I was too addicted to Zulily :) But I did buy a "Moby Wrap" today in 'forest green' and a fancy hospital gown in blue polka dots!

Baby gifts: .... I think the cupcakes my MIL and FIL are ordering for us for the shower count. We went for a tasting on Tuesday. They will match our Shower invites. (See below).

What are the Flavors, you ask???

Red Velvet cake with Cream Cheese Icing.

Chocolate cake with Mocha Buttercream.

Chocolate cake with Peanut Butter Icing.

Carrot Cake (raisin-free) with Vanilla Buttercream. . . YES.

First Ultrasound ::faint::

Our first u/s felt like it would take FOREVER to get here. . . .and the massive nausea and other sickliness I felt (and feel) wasn't helping. I seriously spend every day just waiting to go back to bed and try to sleep it off. UGH. It's bad, people. . . real bad.

Finally having something to look forward to was very exciting!

We took off of work on this Friday and drove down to the RE one more time, with garbage can, water and crackers in hand.

Once we arrived, we waited for about 10-15 minutes before seeing the RE. I just wanted the news: the good, the bad, or the ugly.

Finally he came in and it was another "dildo cam" operation. I thought by 6w 5d we could skip to the regular "tummy" u/s. Apparently not.

As the screen appeared and fuzz began to move across the screen-- I SAW IT! I knew it!

I saw a black blob! But was there something in it? Sure as Hell was! I fetal pole and yolk sack!!! Holy Cow!

And then. . . .it moved around some more. . . ANOTHER BLACK BLOB . . . with the fetal pole and yolk sack.

TWINS.

DH and I were (and are) in shock. Both snowbabies are now growing into REAL babies!

As he moved around the 'cam' I could see them both. RE asked me if I had been eating a lot of bananas lately since both their sacks were shaped like one. DH and I have now begun to call the little ones "Banana Babies" or "'Naners".

Baby "A" is closest to the outside (on the bottom) and is a tiny bit larger. Measuring exactly on track t 6w5d.

Baby "B" (on top with the smaller banana blob) is right behind measuring about 6w2d.

Once we identified which letter goes with which baby, we saw the most incredible thing.

Each baby's little fluttering heartbeat showed up on the screen. I'm not sure what to compare it to. . . it is its own experience. I could see DH was completely blown away when their hearts began to flutter on the screen.

The RE then decided to make some joke about how it was too bad we didn't put three frosties in. Haha. . .(Insert straight face) that could have been too much.

He also said we could come back to his office for another u/s if we'd like. Or we could make an appointment with my OB-- which I haven't chosen yet. I do not like my old OB (as very early posts suggested). I'm trying to find a new one I can trust and that is okay with the possibility of having 'midwife' along for the ride. I'm still in the hunt.

After we left the office, stunned and starry-eyed, we went to "The Point" pancake house on the way home. I LOVE that place and even with my enduring nausea, I wanted to stop, have some OJ, and talk about what just happened with DH before the long drive home.

We talked about everything from job situations to daycare to money to the insanity of the way our lives just got flipped upside down. And how we wouldn't trade it for anything.

Yes, we are pregnant; with twins. But we are also not out of the woods yet.

The RE reminded us that there is still a 10-20% chance that we could lose one or both of the twins. Fully aware that we still don't plan to tell anyone until about 12 weeks. Apparently most of the baby is developed by 13 weeks it just needs to grow larger, making the chance for miscarriage drop significantly at the 13 week mark. So until that time, we are still living on eggshells and going to be extremely tight-lipped and cautious.

We probably won't buy anything until that time either--but that hasn't stopped me from looking at registries. :)

What's next? Try to survive nausea, get some food into my body (I've lost 6 pounds already), find a good OBGYN, and somehow keep my mouth shut until the middle/end of MAY!

Tomorrow: Bring on 7 weeks!

5w 4d. We made it to ultrasound. . . kinda.

Well here I am.

Sorry it has taken me so long to post. I have needed a few days to gather up the strength not only to face the day, but to write this long story as well.

Friday, November 5th, 2010.

DH and I left from home around 11am. I left work early and DH had the day off. We had a full tank of gas and were ready to face the day--hoping today was the day we would meet our little one(s) for the first time! The day was here! Ultrasound day!

Once at the RE's office (about noon), we went back into the Ultrasound room. I undressed on the lower half and waited. . . DH and I were ready to see what was happening in there once and for all.

Now keep in mind, I have had dark spotting for about a week. I know something is not quite normal, but the nurses keep saying things about how a lot of women bleed and spot, blah, blah, blah.

Once the RE finally came in, the u/s began. Dildo cam was moving around and apparently it was hard to see perfectly on the screen. I couldn't look.

It didn't take long before the RE became blunt with us. He said something like, "This isn't a normal pregnancy". . . and "Fluid is in the uterus..."

There was nothing to see. My uterus had nothing in it but unidentifiable fluid. Could be blood, could be from my hydrosalphinx, or it could be a mixture of both.

He looked towards the fallopian tubes and said he didn't see anything there either. But either way, no baby in the uterus been ectopic. Anytime you are pregnant and nothing is found in the ute--it's ectopic.

Again.

The RE said he wanted to get a better look on the ultrasound machine, but we'd have to wait 10-15 minutes. At that point I didn't care and said, "fine."

After RE left the room, I dressed again. I don;t think I said anything. What could either of us say at this point? It's happened to us again. This time, they can't even see an embryo! How are we even going to know what went wrong? If I'm pregnant, where is it?!?

I sat in the chair and waited. DH rested his head on my lap as we cried another time for our child we will never know. Another pointless cry that won't solve anything. It doesn't make us feel any better. Pretty much no one we know is aware of what we have been doing. Students and parents where I teach will still treat me like crap everyday, without considering all the doctor appointments I have been gone for.

There will be no taking it easy this time. No Summer break to cushion the fall of this. How am I supposed to live every day like this never happened?

Finally one of the nurses comes in to get us and take us to the other u/s machine.

Again, it's the same result. I didn't even ask for a print out of the u/s.

So what now.

RE couldn't tell us what happened. We won't even learn anything from this except that I make a great human pin-cushion.

What was next? Another round of methotrexate. But this time we had to go pick it up from the pharmacy clear across town.

What happened next was such a cluster-fuck that there is no point trying to explain it. As if the day hadn't been bad enough, when we finally got to the pharmacy as OSCO, I had to call my insurance because they had stopped covering me without telling me about it last time I tried to fill an Rx. SO I called and argued with them first. They said all should be fine. Then dumb girl behind the counter tried to ring up the Rx at full price. I told her I have insurance. Same thing. I called my insurance BACK. They said the drug had never been rung up. So I told her to figure her shit out. She went to the pharmacist, a very young girl.

After waiting for at least 5-10 minutes, she said it was recalled. METHOTREXATE WAS RECALLED. I told her, " I HAVE TO HAVE THIS DRUG. This is not negotiable. And WHY was your employee ready to sell this to me at full-price 5 minutes ago if it is recalled?"

UGH.

I told her to call my RE and see if there was anything else they could give me. She went back and called my RE's office. Then, came back to us, clearly agitated. Nothing. She claimed it was recalled everywhere, even in WI.

I had to drive all the way back to the RE. Once we pulled in to the parking lot, the nurse called and said they have it filled for us at Walgreens down the street. First of all, why didn't they send us to the closer pharmacy in the first place? Secondly, CLEARLY the first pharmacist has no clue how to do her job. Only certain batches of the drug are recalled, so yes, in WI we would have been able to get it filled just as we can a few miles down the road here.

We finally got it and came BACK to the RE's again. By this time, I have no more "happy face" to put on.

I get both shots of methotrexate and then have to give blood for my BETA. They also told me the one thing I wanted to do when I got home was not an option. No drinking until the beginning of December --LOOK OUT HANUKKAH! I'm bringing you in with a bang! I also can't have sex with my husband until well into December. That will make the longest drought of our entire relationship. Sept- December. Good God. Poor DH.

So how did we spend the evening, when we finally got home after 5?

We went to the buffet at the casino and payed bingo until 2am. Yep, that's right.

*******

So what now?

I'm not exactly sure.

I will most likely have my tubes burned from the uterus during a laparoscopy in December. They will not be totally removed, just out of the picture with baby making. My ovaries will still be operational for making eggs but the chance of having a "natural conception" will completely be gone forever.

It will however fix the hydrosalphinx issue--no way to ooze into my ute and in addition, I'll never have to worry about another tubal pregnancy again.

After that, I'll have to wait at least 6-8 weeks until we can try to make babies.

That means it will be the middle to end of February before we can try our first FET with 2 of our 4 frozen embryos. (I found out one of them is even a 6AA embryo-- I'm hoping that will be our golden child :)

It's going to be a long road until Spring. We must make it through the entire holiday season and almost all Winter without even being able to try again.

For now, non-decaffeinated coffee galore! I can do all the yoga I want--twist, twist, twist! I can run and swim! I can ride my bike--inside. I can go to work without having to take very damn week off. (Do you see that I'm trying to find the bright side?) At Christmas, I can get drunk with my whole stupid, obnoxious family.

::Sigh::

But I'd prefer to have a little reason why I can't.

***********

I will be going on hiatus until more news comes about.

BETA #4 from Friday had dropped to 54 before I even got the two methotrexate shots. Tuesday, I will go in after school for another test, results Wednesday.

I'll continue to post updates and things happen or appointments are made. One of these days I will be scheduling an appointment with the RE to see WTF happened and what we should do next. My hope is to have the lap surgery on Dec 22nd and spend Christmas repairing-- DAMN! That mean I can't get drunk that day. IF SUCKS!!!!!!

Thank you to all who have followed us on our journey thus far. Although there are many times we just want to give up, it's not that time yet. We have more things to try and frozen babies waiting for us in Illinois. We are discouraged, but not broken.

Wish there was a better update.

I wish I had a better update.

Still bleeding with dark CM. . . awesome and gross. So done with that stuff.

Tomorrow is the 5 1/2 week u/s.

We will know for sure what's going on tomorrow---but nurse suspected today it COULD be another ectopic-- PLEASE BE GROWING IN MY UTE BABY!!!!

Ultrasound tomorrow at noon. 'Till then people!!!

Oh for F*ck Sake!

I'm still recovering from yesterday (and the day before).

So when today hit, I kinda. . . .wanted to throw myself under the train.

. . . . . . . . . .

This morning, we left for a very welcome WEEKEND (insert angel music) visit to the RE. It was the second u/s and blood work test--the first since going on stims (Gonal-F).

When we arrived just after 9 am, we were promptly taken back right away. The first time this as happened, might I add. When the nurse told me to come back, I looked around and actually asked, "Me?"

It wasn't worth rehashing what happened two days ago. So I didn't ramble on when she said they now have all the clearance needed. She took my blood and then sent me in for another ultrasound with the foreign lady.

She is an interesting woman. The first time we met, she went on and on about what a "beautiful uterus" I have. But every time we've met since then, she's been crabby as Hell. DH and I think she must never want to be there.

Anyhow, she did the ultrasound and seemed to roll her eyes as I asked for another print out of my ovaries (this time the left one, see: below).

But what do I care? I feel like we've paid BIG BUCKS for this. So if I want 20 photos a day, I've paid for it.

And then. . .we were done. In and out in twenty minutes. Yet it takes us over two hours to drive there and back. It did feel weird to leave without having to stop at the little payment window. Well, at least it did until we realized we had already paid last visit. I think that amount should cover us for a while. :)

On the way home, I did the mortal sin. Although I stayed vegetarian, I ate breakfast with DH at McDonalds: "The death bin". I have many issues with the animal practices at most fast food restaurants. But we were very hungry and a long way from home. I did enjoy a "Cheese and Egg McGriddle" with greasy hash browns and an OJ. Felt a little sick-- that's what I get.

Once home I anxiously awaited the results of the blood work.

Around 1pm, the RE's office called.

I was expecting, "All good, see you on Tuesday."

I got, "You need to come in every day this week."

WHAT?!?!?

Apparently, I'm "responding too well" to the stims.

What the Hell.

I have a new teaching job, in a new district, which is enough on it's own. Now I need to miss a week? Before I miss for the ER and ET? BAH!

My estrogen levels were at 424. They should be between 150-300. I don't want to get overstimulated and 'kick the bucket' so I know I have to go to these appointments each day.

I am just so sick of everything going wrong over the last few days.

I'm nervous that I'll develop OHSS or have to cancel this cycle.

Hopefully, it's just another bump along this screwed up road of infertility. Next stop? I'm only getting off in "babyland" :)

Tomorrow: Another RE u/s and blood work scheduled. . . Just like the rest of this week. . .

Ultrasound.

Quick update: Ultrasound #3 was today.

I have THREE follies that are worth mentioning. (Apparently my clomid is working).

On the left side: 20mm x 17mm

On the right side: 20mm x 15mm, AND 23mm x 22mm!!! That baby is a honker!

My lining was also 7.39mm. So average, I think. That means, they probably won't switch me to the other medication. . . . however, with my RE, I never kn ow what is going on.

IUI #3 is soon to come. Just waiting for that LH surge! (NO HcG--trying without it). My RE thinks it will be tonight or tomorrow . . . tick-tock, tick-tock. . .

Ultrasound Tomorrow.

Having my second follie ultrasound tomorrow in the afternoon.

I hope to have 20mm+ follies on BOTH sides! I'm thinkin' 8 of them!

That would be fantastic.

Wish me luck and drop some baby dust--I'll tell you how it goes. I love those follie photos!

Tomorrow' another BIG DAY.

Yep. It's here.

Tomorrow, I go into the doc's office and get an ultrasound of my follicles, hope they're 20mm, and get a shot of HcG in my ass.

Seems different than what I have previously reported as the next step, no?

Well, when I went in last Thursday, Dr. threw me a curve ball. She kind of jumped ahead 3 months without really making much recognition of it. But hey, I was getting extremely impatient with the speed we were at. I was actually going to ask her that day if we could push things a head a bit. But then she comes right at me with--now were going to do clomid, intrauterine ultrasounds, HcG, and IUI.

What the?

Seriously. Already . . . Okay. Works for me. . . . oh crap! I'm heading out of town Friday. Can't do the IUI. . . .next time IUI. This time all the above except IUI (See: "Regular sex"). Got that? I know, confusing.

Basically, over the last week, my life has hit the fast forward 3 months to this stage. Last Friday I began 50mg of Clomiphene. Monday, my DH and I went into the doc's office for an extremely pointless video on infertility. They apparently show it to all the NEW patients. However, they "forgot" to show it, (and the price list for services), to us until after we've already done all the services in the first 4/5 of the video. DULLS-VILLE. But afterwards, my husband learned how to make me lean into the wall, stick my butt out at him, and bend over. Seriously. That way he can line the HcG shot up with the "meaty" part of my ass. That's the point where he can jam this GIANT hypodermic needle in. Capitol, F-U-N.

So that day went "well". Tomorrow though we check my follicles, as I mentioned earlier. They need to be 20mm in order for them to be "toasty and ready". Then, I can get the $115.00 single shot of HcG. The HcG shot causes Ovulation to occur. This apparently means 36 hours later that egg is ready for some swimmers!!! Yes, I have to time the horizontal mambo 36 hours after I get the shot. This will be interesting since I am leaving for a trip with my in-laws the next day. "Oh, sorry all. I know we're in the middle of dinner, but I gotta go "do" your son." Perhaps, I should phrase it, "Make you some Grandbabies?"

That is the story IF I have some toasty follicles that are 20mm+. If I don't, I have to wait to get the shot. We will have to estimate how big the follicles will be the next day, the one after that and so on based on what we see tomorrow. Then, the day we think they should be at 20mm, DH gives me the shot 'o fun.

So, basically, tomorrow IS A BIG DAY. It could lower my stress level considerably if I have some 20mm follies by 9:30am.

Pray for me people.

I hope this month is the month more than ever. It will be our last go at it in a semi-"natural" way. After this month, we would turn to IUI and then-- God forbid, IVF.

Updates come tomorrow night! :) Night all--GROW FOLLIES GROOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!