Oh, so much has happened!

21 weeks and 5 days.

Well, I am taking a break from the craziness for a minute to update!

1. We have sold our house. We have to be out my August 1st.

2. We have an accepted offer on another house. We should be moving in August 10th.

3. We will need to spend the "in-between" days 100 miles North at my in-laws with both our cats.

4. We are in mad packing mode to be out my next Sunday! Ahhh!

5. I'm seriously preggo!

So sorry, I haven't updated in so long but has been nearly impossible to have time for anything.

But I can't disappoint this week with my banana babies!

Week 20/21 stats!

Weight Gain: I have gained about 13-15 pounds since the FET.

Cravings: I have finally had some cheeto puffs last week. But my main cravings consist of melon (any kind), ice water and a good Coke with lots of ice.

Nauseous: I get nauseous when I need to eat.

Belly touches: DH is my constant belly toucher since we have been busier than ever lately.

Feeling: Tired and achy, I've had some really painful pains on my right side where I can't even think about moving my right leg without excruciating pain. DH and I went to the ER for it on Wednesday night-- and they couldn't figure out what was wrong--story of my life. I thought it may have been my kidney stones acting up again, but it doesn't seem to be the case. The doctor wrote me a Rx for vicodin but I am afraid to take it, despite the fact he says Women do all the time. I'm not convinced. I told him I paid over Thirty-Thousand dollars for these babies and I;m not screwing it up for some vicodin.

Emotional state: Stressed about the move, but happy to have the house sold and to have pretty much decided upon our next home-- pending on the results of our inspection--even though it is a new home we've decided to have one anyways. But as soon as we get to move in, I will try to get the nursery completed asap! :)

Movement: They move a lot. It can get annoying sometimes with two of them in there! :) But DH has felt it a few times-- but we can't seem to time it right on a regular basis yet. No massive punches yet.

Maternity clothes: I'm feeling fairly well stocked for now, although I know I'll need a few new things once the colder weather arrives. I also bought two nursing night gowns today from Zulily-- my current obsession.

Nesting: House found! All brand new appliances purchased! I am pumped! The hard thing is going to be controlling my spending on new items for the entire house. But man it's so hard. I'd really like to get a bedroom set for our Master bedroom since we are still using a mismatched one I've had since I was in 2nd grade! In addition, I'd love a set for the guest room since my in-laws will most likely be staying with us for a bit after the Boys are born. Well, that and a new couch and dining room table. Yeah, nothing cheap about a new place! :)

I would just love to be able to show off our schanzzy home during my baby shower that will take place at our new house. We figure that is a good idea since we don't know if I will be on bedrest during that time or not.

Baby purchases: I MUST STOP LOOKING AT ZULILY. I am obsessed. Seriously, I have a problem! What haven't I bought for them?

Baby gifts: I received a great gift from our current neighbor. A few thing from our registry at "Babies 'R Us": the two Cookie Monster bath hoodies, nail clippers, hair brush and comb set and a bottle of Aveeno baby wash-- BATH TIME! :)

Mothers Day-- 11 weeks.

Today is my first, "kinda" Mother's Day.

I awoke to DH bringing me breakfast in bed this morning the best way he knows how: Chocolate chip Eggo waffles, OJ and melon serves on a cookie tray. It was accompanied by a pink rose and two giant candy bars. I love that guy :)

We spent the rest of the day cleaning the house to prepare it to sell. The hardest part was going through my entire closet. I decided to pack up all clothes that are now, or in the near future will be too small (or inappropriate) to wear while being preggo with twins. I had to pack up five, count 'em, five boxes of clothes. (Plus the giant trash bag to donate). It was kinda sad to think, one year ago today, pre-IVF and FET I weighed 20 pounds less. Seriously. One year ago. My dress size was also two sizes smaller. *Sigh* Small price to pay compared to everything else I've been through to have these babies, but DAMN. My closet looks like a barren desert!

Today also marks 11 weeks and counting! Our babies are about the size of limes. This most exciting thing this week is going to see the new OBGYN for the first time on Thursday. More updates and 'calming' baby check-ups. I just can't believe it's real until each time I see them on the screen, jumping around like crazies.

Current stats:

Weight Gain: Still down about 5 pounds since the beginning, but slowly gaining it back.

Cravings: Still love pasta and apples are pretty good lately.

Nauseous: Beginning to come and go in waves. Some days I fell it mostly at night, other times I feel it all day.

Belly touches: Good 'ol DH.

Feeling: Still amazed at how quickly I am exhausted. I had heard you gain your energy back after the placentas are finished developing, but I am still pooped. Most days at work, I am fine until I sit down at the end of the day--and then there is no way I can get up!

Boy or girl: DH is beginning to waiver and perhaps for a boy and a girl. But again, we have no clue. It will be interesting to hear what pour families think.

Emotional state: I am still a cry a baby, but it doesn't seem to be a bad thing. I cry when people are happy--and I am really happy too!

OBGYN: Seeing her this Thursday for the first time!

Movement: Can't feel it yet.

Told anyone yet?: Nooope.

Maternity clothes: Now that I have 'cleaned' the closet, I think I will need to make a few new purchases within the next few weeks.

Baby purchases: Nothing new. Trying to sell the house quickly so we don;t have to fill this one up with twice the baby gear.

Nesting: I dream of it daily. . . but still hoping for that big move--so cleaning this one up to sell, I guess, is my way of nesting.

First Ultrasound ::faint::

Our first u/s felt like it would take FOREVER to get here. . . .and the massive nausea and other sickliness I felt (and feel) wasn't helping. I seriously spend every day just waiting to go back to bed and try to sleep it off. UGH. It's bad, people. . . real bad.

Finally having something to look forward to was very exciting!

We took off of work on this Friday and drove down to the RE one more time, with garbage can, water and crackers in hand.

Once we arrived, we waited for about 10-15 minutes before seeing the RE. I just wanted the news: the good, the bad, or the ugly.

Finally he came in and it was another "dildo cam" operation. I thought by 6w 5d we could skip to the regular "tummy" u/s. Apparently not.

As the screen appeared and fuzz began to move across the screen-- I SAW IT! I knew it!

I saw a black blob! But was there something in it? Sure as Hell was! I fetal pole and yolk sack!!! Holy Cow!

And then. . . .it moved around some more. . . ANOTHER BLACK BLOB . . . with the fetal pole and yolk sack.

TWINS.

DH and I were (and are) in shock. Both snowbabies are now growing into REAL babies!

As he moved around the 'cam' I could see them both. RE asked me if I had been eating a lot of bananas lately since both their sacks were shaped like one. DH and I have now begun to call the little ones "Banana Babies" or "'Naners".

Baby "A" is closest to the outside (on the bottom) and is a tiny bit larger. Measuring exactly on track t 6w5d.

Baby "B" (on top with the smaller banana blob) is right behind measuring about 6w2d.

Once we identified which letter goes with which baby, we saw the most incredible thing.

Each baby's little fluttering heartbeat showed up on the screen. I'm not sure what to compare it to. . . it is its own experience. I could see DH was completely blown away when their hearts began to flutter on the screen.

The RE then decided to make some joke about how it was too bad we didn't put three frosties in. Haha. . .(Insert straight face) that could have been too much.

He also said we could come back to his office for another u/s if we'd like. Or we could make an appointment with my OB-- which I haven't chosen yet. I do not like my old OB (as very early posts suggested). I'm trying to find a new one I can trust and that is okay with the possibility of having 'midwife' along for the ride. I'm still in the hunt.

After we left the office, stunned and starry-eyed, we went to "The Point" pancake house on the way home. I LOVE that place and even with my enduring nausea, I wanted to stop, have some OJ, and talk about what just happened with DH before the long drive home.

We talked about everything from job situations to daycare to money to the insanity of the way our lives just got flipped upside down. And how we wouldn't trade it for anything.

Yes, we are pregnant; with twins. But we are also not out of the woods yet.

The RE reminded us that there is still a 10-20% chance that we could lose one or both of the twins. Fully aware that we still don't plan to tell anyone until about 12 weeks. Apparently most of the baby is developed by 13 weeks it just needs to grow larger, making the chance for miscarriage drop significantly at the 13 week mark. So until that time, we are still living on eggshells and going to be extremely tight-lipped and cautious.

We probably won't buy anything until that time either--but that hasn't stopped me from looking at registries. :)

What's next? Try to survive nausea, get some food into my body (I've lost 6 pounds already), find a good OBGYN, and somehow keep my mouth shut until the middle/end of MAY!

Tomorrow: Bring on 7 weeks!

5 weeks, 4 days.

KNOCK ON WOOD.

Today is exactly the day I lost the last pregnancy; the farthest we ever made it.

But-- KA-POW! We are bustin' down that door, thank you very much! Tomorrow begins a whole new frontier for us. It also marks the one-week point until the first Ultrasound. I think I might explode! How am I going to make it??!?!

Every day I am second guessing symptoms and pains. Currently, I am feeling some pains and cramping. The lovely ladies on the chat room told me I have what's called Round Ligament Pains (RLP). Sheesh! It is sharp sudden pains that stop me in my tracks quite often. I usually get them on my right side which worries (worried?) me that I am having another ectopic. Sometimes it can also seem like minor beginning menstrual cramps.

Oh well. . . hopefully just part of the normal progression.

Current stats:

Weight Gain: Less than 5 pounds. Maybe 1-2? I can't wait to get back on the elliptical.

Cravings: In love with "Delmonte" fresh fruit cups with pineapple and papaya. YUM! They are cold and I could eat them all day.

Nauseous: Nope.

Belly touches: Just DH.

Feeling: TIRED. Feeling crampy and the good 'ol RLP.

Boy or girl: DH had a dream last night that it was one boy.

Single or twins: I think maybe two right now. . . I'm too fat for one :)

Emotional state: An emotional mess. I cry at all shows on TV. I am moody. I am also trying to stay positive. Very anxious to get to the u/s.


In other news. . .

I still need to set-up the appointment with a new OBGYN. I didn't and don't trust my old doctor. So I've found a few names and will start calling when I decide on one or two this weekend.

5 weeks, 5 days here we come!

BETA #2 IN!

So take a BETA guess. . . "500," you say? . . . Higher.

"700?" . . . Higher.

"1000?" . . . HIGHER.

1346!!!

Yeah, I can't believe it either! I was hoping for 500!!! Wowza! Both progesterone and estrogen are looking great, too!

So now what? . . . we wait. Another 2ww until the first Ultrasound on April 8th. We will be a little over 6 1/2 weeks. O.M.G. Is this for real???

Until then we will be on pins and needles, trying to be healthy and not gain a bunch of unnecessary weight eating crapola. So tonight, to celebrate, DH and I are going to Red Robin :) LOL. No seriously, we are! Red Robin is the only place I can order a Salmon salad and eat it without gaging. Sounds crazy, I know. They have the BEST blackened salmon salad EVA!

After dinner, DH and I are going to Barnes and Noble to buy a new "baby journal".

Ah yes, the life I've dreamed of. I am waiting until about 6 weeks to make a ticker. (I don't want to jinx it). We are also waiting until Mid-May (11-12 weeks) before we tell people.

*Sigh*

I'll have to begin my registry in secret! :) 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant. . . and counting. . .

Being prego makes me loose weight. . .

Since I got my first positive pregnancy test, I've changed my eating habits back to what I know they should be. I've done pretty well over the last year, losing 20-25 lbs and continuing my vegetarian lifestyle. But now, it's a whole new game.

I think about every single thing I put into or onto my body. No more salicylic acid in my face products. No Retin-A. No candy, soda, or caffeine. And NO BOOZE or social smokey treats.

One of the other major changes is that I now have a whole new reason to go to the gym. Taking care of embryo by taking better care of myself.

Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't a complete slob before the double pink lines. It's just now, I know there is a reason, instead of hoping there will be a reason.

This is a peek at my diet now.

I eat this salad everyday for lunch. (I know, I need to minus the feta). It is made of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, sprouts, red onion, red pepper hummus, and sometimes, one 100% whole wheat pita underneath. (All organic-as always).









For breakfast this morning I had this. 100% whole wheat toast, 3 egg whites w/ salt, pepper, and parmesan, cantaloupe, and my daily pomegranate juice.


















I hope this helps to not only keep my pregnancy going long and strong, but also to give me the healthiest baby possible in the end.


In other news, I found out for the first time today how I am not in charge of my body anymore. I almost blacked out. (Which I have only done one time in my life).
I was taking a long relaxing shower. I sit, I scrub, I do all the usual things. When I stood up, I felt a little dizzy and saw the dreaded "black flash". I knelt down and go my self back together. I turned down the hot water and felt a little better. I tried to quickly rinse the conditioner out of my hair, but I had to turn off the water.
I got my towel . . . and the room started spinning. . .I couldn't even dry off. I was nauseous, it got dark and fuzzy, and I was about to pass out on the tile floor. I ran for the bed and fell backwards onto it. I called for my husband and (da-da-DAH!) he came rushing in.

I must have stood up too fast. I was jittery, too warm, dizzy, and sickly. I just needed to lay there for a few minutes to get my balance and senses back. But now I know, I do not own my self anymore. For nine months, I need to chill.

But it'll all be worth it. I provide you, for you viewing pleasure, one last POAS picture from this morning. If you thought yesterday was a line--check this out!

Now that's a line!

The Conception Craze.

There are hundreds, thousands, dare I say--Millions of magazines and books out there on one topic that I so desperately want to know everything about. . . how to make a baby.

Now don't think me nieve. I know how it is supposed to be done, but more often than most people think, it's not as simple as all those unwed 14 year olds make it look.

I've read more books and magazines specializing in pregnancy and conception than I can count.
I've watched the TV shows, walked through the baby stores, and picked out clothes for other people's children.
I day dream about what color the nursury will be, the theme for the decor, and the way I will organize the closet.

I have also read the adoption books, applied to adoption agencies, and looked into donor eggs.

Why?

Because for me, it seems, wanting a baby simply isn't enough.

I'm 26 years old, happily married with a house, two cats, and money in the bank. I have a great job as a high school art teacher, stick to a vegetarian (mostly organic) diet, and enjoy time spent with my rather large and happily obnoxious croatian family.

I have also lived with PCOS for as long as I can remember.

Like most young girls, I spent most of my early teens trying to figure out what was going on with my body. As soon as I turned 11 and AF began, my body became a magnet for sugar and carbs--and that magnetic pull lead right to my ass.

I began to gain weight each year, my skin was a mess (Three rounds of Acutane didn't even help), strange hairs began popping up on the side of my face, my skin became blotchy near my arms and shoulders. Have I mentioned how much I crave carbs?

And every month before and during the arrival of good 'ol AF, I would buckle-over in pain. So much so I usually missed out on two days of "life" every month, laying in the dark with a hot water bottle on my ever-expanding gut.

I had always thought I was unlucky enough to have a lot of unrelated symptoms. Until one day.

With the arrival of the internet my freshman year in high school, I came across a website describing an illness that I fit every symptom--PCOS. I asked my GYN about it many times, but I don't ever remember getting a straight answer. I think sometimes doctors assume you "read too much" and get ideas in your head. But there was nothing hypochondriac-like about this. I was convinced I knew my own body.

Years later, in my early 20's, after a horrible experience with an abnormal pap, a Colposcopy without pain medication (I strongly advise getting 20 Xanax before), and years going untreated, I decided to take measures into my own hands. I read everything I could on PCOS and the best at-home treatments. When I went to see my GYN I began to carry on conversations as if she had already told me I had been diagnosed. Until one day, to my shock and surprise, she mentioned how she had diagnosed me with PCOS years before. I could've jumped across the room and choked her. When the Hell was she going to let me in on that????

Either way, that was all the ammo I needed to get the ball rolling. After reading many books and websites, I found an absolute gem, "A Patient's Guide to PCOS: Understanding--and Reversing--Polycystic Ovary Syndrome" by Walter Futterweit MD. Among the invaluable chapters of information, I found I was a perfect candidate for the pill, metformin. A pill which would allow my insulin be better absorbed.

As part of my PCOS, I am also insulin resistant. This basically means my body makes insulin, but not the receptors to allow it to be absorbed (or the sugar) into my body so it may be broken down. This explains why that sugar and carb thing is a huge issue to my weight problem.

I also went to see an Endocrinologist who specialized in PCOS. (I just needed that second opinion). She and my doctor gave me a bunch to tests and onto the wonderful Metformin I went. I'm currently up to 2000 mg/ day. It's a lot of pills everyday, but worth it.



So what does all this mean and why am I talking about receptors and insulin when I'm trying to make a baby?



It's all connected. One of the major symptoms of PCOS is difficulty becoming pregnant. Sometimes complete infertility.

BUT I HAVE HOPE!

So my friends, this is my journey.

Currently, We have been trying since August 2009 and no baby. No need to panic yet, but as you will find, I like to read up on everything and be a s prepared for the next step as possible. We have been testing ovulation each month and pin-pointing exactly when ovulation occurs using the expensive (but hopefully worth it) Clear Blue Easy ovulation monitor .

Since it's been five months of nada, we visted my GYN again. She suggested a few tests:

My husband just underwent a SA and yesterday we found all things are apparently normal on his end.

(Side note to all the women: You will find all the men's tests are mainly pain-free. Ours. . . well they suck. He was in and out of his test before my blood was even drawn for a liver screen.)

This Monday, I will head to radiology at the local hospital for a hysterosalpingogram. Yep, that is one word. (Try pronouncing it to your insurance company over the phone). What they basically do is look at your uterus and fallopian tubes via X-ray by injecting a dye into the areas they want to see. This can check for abnormalities and will make sure your tubes aren't blocked. In addition, it should clear out any odd materials in there and can increase chance of pregnancy over the next few cycles.

Sounds good and all, but I'm still a little terrified to be honest. Last time my GYN poked around and did the biopsy I was NOT happy. So this time I made sure to ask for the Xanax. Simply put: Cross your fingers for me. I'll update after the surgery, most likely to say it was no big deal.


My goal in writing this blog is to connect with other women (or men) who are going through or have come out on the other side of the conception mountain. Whether you struggle with PCOS, HPV, Endometriosis, or other fertility issues it's good to have a support system. While my husband continues to be an ever-present support for me, I know there are women who can share their wealth of knowledge. Perhaps together, we can find a roadmap through this vast array of information (the good and the bad) about something that many couples take for granted.

Throughout my journey, you will hear about my ups and downs in my own personal conception craze. I hope it can shed a little light, and humor, on this far too often emotional and isolating situation.