15 weeks along and so much to do.

It's been a few weeks since I have posted.

Some days, I wish I didn't spread myself so thin between homelife and volunteering for the March of Dimes.  Other days, like today, I get to talk to Moms and Dads in the NICU and share stories from the "other side"-- life after the NICU/NPCU.  I feel useful, even for a little bit.

I am also trying hard to exceed our fundraising goal from last year for the March of Dimes Walk in April.  I have a few new members this year to our team and am hoping it can boost our total, as I am usually the sole fundraiser.

In other news, I was sick with the strangest symptoms last week.  They included: Headache, body aches, nausea, low-fever, exhaustion, swollen glands and later changed into painful fingertips and feet; strange bruising and blistering on my heels, toes and fingers; rashes that appeared over most of my body, both when hot (from the shower) and at various times during the day.   I still have no idea what it is/was.  It has almost resolved itself now, just over a week after it began.  I hope it isn't something that will flare up occasionally during the rest of the pregnancy.

Yep, Baby is this big.

Current stats:
Weight Gain:  
I had lost about 5 lbs during my "flu/bizarre" sickness episodes" but then we went to "Red Robin" to celebrate out Birthday's and I think I may have gained it all back.  All together, since FET, about 6 lbs.

Cravings:  

Lots of juices and water.  I've found some new fruit juices that contain fresh veggies and fruit juice that I drink in high volume.  For food, I am craving some boxed Annie's creamy deluxe Mac 'N Cheese today, but typically, I'm not very hungry and end up eating a lot of popsicles, fruit cups and veggie wraps.

Nauseous: 

During my strange sickly period last week and I it on and off, but I am hoping it has run its course, especially since I had my last PIO injection Saturday!  Horray!  Now acne, clear up and clear out!

Belly touches: 

DH, the boys, a fellow MoM friend of mine rubbed it (after asking) when we meet up for dinner about two weeks ago.

Feeling:  

In a great mood today!  It's 55 degrees and sunny today! I even cracked the patio door to let some fresh air in :)  That coupled with daylight savings and volunteer stuff today made for a great day so far.  I needed this, desperately.  The boys slept until 8:15am! 

Boy or girl: 

We miiiiight find out this Thursday.  We have another perinatologist appointment with ultrasound.  At 16 weeks, there is a chance, especially if it is a boy, that we may find out.  Or at least gets darn good initial guess. 

Emotional state:  

Today being a "good day" and the weather temporarily being more Spring-like has improved my mood for the time being.  Winter-blues/depression, whatever you want to call it, effects me quite a bit.  In addition, if I can make it to March 28th without losing my mind, I'll have a few days to spend in Arizona visiting my Grandparents without the kiddos.  Giving me a temporary break.  Then, I arrive home in Early April and only have one more week until DH's Spring Break from teaching begins!  Before I know it, it'll be May!

Movement:
Not likely.  But it won't be long from now. 

Maternity clothes: 
Wearing maternity jeans and/or stretchy pants almost full-time now.  Shirts are still non-maternity, but since it's chilly I can wear a lot of sweaters when I go out and tanks at home.  

Baby purchases:  

I haven't bought anything.  I'm trying to wait to hear what the gender is.  That way, if it's a girl, I can buy a few fun "baby girl" items.  If its a boy, I will go through what we already have from the twins and see if there is much I need to purchase.  It is so hard to find 'gender neutral' things.

Nesting: 

Once the warm weather hits, I'm going to have a "Spring cleaning" fiesta!  I own a few obsessive cleaning books for weirdoes like me, that I like to make a checklist out of.   The real nursery work will begin once gender is known and Spring Break arrives in mid-April.

A little squishy prune.

10 weeks!

Baby is a fetus!  We have had a few rough days over the last couple of weeks but now we look forward--baby is the size of a prune!

Current stats:
Weight Gain: About the same as the last few weeks.  I haven't been very hungry, especially at the end of the day.  Maybe 5lbs since I had the FET in December.

Cravings: Similar to the last pregnancy, I'm craving a lot of beverages: caffeine-free soda (cherry 7-up), malts (any flavor), cold water, small coffee, decaf teas, etc.  For foods, I did have a cupcake craving the other day as I drove by the local cupcake place.  I bought four cupcakes but it took DH and I four nights to eat them.  We each had half per night.

Nauseous: On and off over the last week and a half.  Mainly in the morning and evening.

Belly touches: DH only.  I'm not big on that to begin with. I'm trying to enjoy the idea of it since this is the last time. :)

Feeling: Tired and a bit cranky. Chasing after and taking care of the boys all day is beginning to wear on me.  I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I also have RLP throughout the day which usually stops me in my tracks.


Boy or girl: I have begun to feel good with either option.  There are many benefits to both.  DH is saying "girl".

Emotional state: Kinda cranky and feeling a bit detached.  I miss my Zoloft-- I could hug it. This Winter SUCKS.  I feel like we get snow every other day and have had one of the coldest Winters in 20+ years.  We are stir crazy.  Even the boys' Y class has been canceled twice due to the cold. 

Movement: Nothing yet.  Just "little Squishy" hip-dancing on the u/s sans.

Told anyone yet?: DH has had to tell the principal at his school from day one--and had to tell her 'fill-in' on Thursday because of the bleeding situation.  I also told a friend of mine who is also preggo since she knew about the FET.  (She works at my Pharmacy and knows every med I take).  We are planning to tell family this weekend and other people around Valentine's Day.

Maternity clothes: I bought one pair of black stretch pants and two dresses at Destination Maternity a couple weeks back.  I've worn the pants but the dresses will have to wait for Spring. 

Baby purchases: I've tried to resist until I know the sex of the baby.  We have SO MUCH boy stuff.  There are a few girl clothing items I bought months/years ago in hopes that one day I would have a girl (by whatever means). 

Nesting: Until people know, I think it would be hard.  (Outside of basic cleaning).  We have to turn the office or guest room into the nursery.  

TWO MONTHS!

My beautiful boys are TWO MONTHS OLD today! I can't believe it has been so long!

Everyday, DH and I have driven back and forth to the hospital to see them, change their diapers, take their temperatures, hold them, feed them, etc, etc . . .I'm starting to think I should get paid at the hospital! :)

They are truly amazing little babies! Today, Mason weighed 6lbs 7 oz. Christopher weighed 6lbs 1 oz. They have more than doubled their weight since birth!

More on the boys:

Mason-
Weighing 6 lbs 7oz and eating 55cc's at each feeding 8/day. He gets many of his feedings by bottle or breast, however he still needs some support from the gavage tube (feeding tube inserted through his nose). He is also still on the monitor that measures his RR (respiratory rate) and HR (heart rate) via three probes on his chest. Mason is also working on getting his HCT (hematocrit) high enough so that he won't need a blood transfusion. His current level was 24 today! :) That is up from 20 last Monday. This is great news since it should be between 32-42. Basically, the HCT is is the number of red blood cells he has in his blood--without an average amount of the red blood cells he has no energy. That means no energy to eat from the bottle or breast--which then means no going home. . . it's a vicious cycle.

Mason has had good results in most other areas. Yet, I am still concerned about signs of very early ROP in one of his eyes. Unrelated, I am also wondering how long this crazy yellow/green eye drainage he has is going to continue. They ran a culture on it and nothing seems to reveal red flags. Everyone keeps saying it must be a bad case of 'clogged tear ducts'. Well that damn tear duct has been clogged for over a month now and I can only de-crust and wipe out his eyes so many times in a day. I wish there was a better answer.

Anyone have experience with this? Thoughts?

Over all, Mason is a pretty happy little boy! He loves to eat and suck on his pacifier. He is also a big fan of being held after he breast feeds--which he is getting so good at. It is fast becoming our favorite time together :) He has also passed his OT (Occupational therapy) appointments with flying colors! Dr. Sue is so impressed! :)

Mason 1 day old. . .

Mason 2 months old. . .

Christopher-
Weighing 6lbs 1oz today he has finally broken the 6 lb weight barrier! He is currently eating 53cc's at each feeding 8/day. However, he is not as advanced as Mason in his 'nipple feedings'. He takes most of his feedings via gavage, but is working hard with the speech therapist to become better at latching on during bottle feedings, which will then help his breast feedings as well. Christopher has had a few successful breast feedings so far, but they are limited to a maximum of 10-15 minute bursts. His HCT (Hematocrit) is much lower than Mason's which of course means he has even less energy. Monday is was only 19, so the news of 20.7 today, although low is welcome news because that means it is increasing. He has already had two transfusions and I (and the doctors) would like to avoid another one if possible. Transfusing can trick the body into stopping the production of new red blood cells. It causes the body to think, "Hey! We got enough here--hold the production line!" --which in turn only makes things worse later down the road.

Moreover, I think Christopher reflux is what is holding him back most. It really is bad. He is constantly refluxing, coughing and waking up from sleep. No wonder he is tired! If I had that kind of reflux, I wouldn't want to eat either. The only thing that seems to solve the problem is to hold him during and after his feedings-- pretty tricky when you have twins exclusively on your breast milk and need to pump/feed every 2-3 hours!

Christopher is also still on the monitor that measures his RR (respiratory rate) and HR (heart rate) via three probes on his chest. He has had no alarms today; A welcome Birthday gift I am sure! While Mason may have to be watched more closely for ROP, at last check Christopher's seems less likely to cause as much of a problem, although the chance is still there. Christopher also has one more OT appointment on Monday at 11am. Hopefully he will still be right on track and not need anymore appointments with Dr. Sue by the time he goes home.

Christopher is a very sweet little boy! He likes to observe a lot. He can sit wide-eyed in my arms for over an hour just looking around at things in the room. He holds his hands across his chest and seems to know wayyyy more than a little baby his age should. While he has not shown as much interest in nipple feedings as Mason has, he is beginning to come around. Lately, he has begun to develop interest in his pacifier. This is great not only to help train him for nipple feeds but also to perhaps help with the amount that his 'tongue tied' issue effect his feedings. Using the pacifier can help stretch out his tongue, bringing it forward and sometimes correcting the problem on his own without the need for 'surgery'.

Christopher 1 day old. . .

Christopher 2 months old. . .

Happy two month birthday to my adorable little angels!

I love you more than words could ever say. I can't wait to have you home with Daddy and I-- we are hoping you will BOTH be home to stay by Christmas!

Love, Mommy.

xoxo

Tongue Tied? WTH.

So Christopher is apparently "tongue tied".

Not 'tongue tied' as in "I can't speak". The 'tongue tied' that causes issues with breast feeding, bottle feeding, speech and according to many reports--"french kissing later in life". Much later I hope. But I'd hate to be yelled at years down the road when my son is dating.

The issue is "resolved" by cutting/snipping the frenulum underneath the tongue. (The thing that attaches your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. But ewww and ouch!!! My poor baby!

So. . . what to do???

I'm still in debate.

More about Christopher

AN update as of this morning on Chris:

Christopher has been having A LOT of tests over the last couple of days. Today is a big one, called an "LP" or Lumbar Puncture. They have to go in (like an epidural) to check his spinal cord fluid for bacteria to see if there is an infection in his brain. *Sigh*

So we hope to hear back from that and the other tests that will tell us if he has bacteria there or mrsa or meningitis or something else. If he has some of those things he would have to be in isolation until he goes home.

My hope is that his PIC-line which showed some staph when tested is the entire problem and now that it is removed he will get better.

I will try to update over the next couple days when the results come in.

Thank you again for all of your T&P, we welcome any more you can spare for the days ahead-- especially the LP today.

Oh, so much has happened!

21 weeks and 5 days.

Well, I am taking a break from the craziness for a minute to update!

1. We have sold our house. We have to be out my August 1st.

2. We have an accepted offer on another house. We should be moving in August 10th.

3. We will need to spend the "in-between" days 100 miles North at my in-laws with both our cats.

4. We are in mad packing mode to be out my next Sunday! Ahhh!

5. I'm seriously preggo!

So sorry, I haven't updated in so long but has been nearly impossible to have time for anything.

But I can't disappoint this week with my banana babies!

Week 20/21 stats!

Weight Gain: I have gained about 13-15 pounds since the FET.

Cravings: I have finally had some cheeto puffs last week. But my main cravings consist of melon (any kind), ice water and a good Coke with lots of ice.

Nauseous: I get nauseous when I need to eat.

Belly touches: DH is my constant belly toucher since we have been busier than ever lately.

Feeling: Tired and achy, I've had some really painful pains on my right side where I can't even think about moving my right leg without excruciating pain. DH and I went to the ER for it on Wednesday night-- and they couldn't figure out what was wrong--story of my life. I thought it may have been my kidney stones acting up again, but it doesn't seem to be the case. The doctor wrote me a Rx for vicodin but I am afraid to take it, despite the fact he says Women do all the time. I'm not convinced. I told him I paid over Thirty-Thousand dollars for these babies and I;m not screwing it up for some vicodin.

Emotional state: Stressed about the move, but happy to have the house sold and to have pretty much decided upon our next home-- pending on the results of our inspection--even though it is a new home we've decided to have one anyways. But as soon as we get to move in, I will try to get the nursery completed asap! :)

Movement: They move a lot. It can get annoying sometimes with two of them in there! :) But DH has felt it a few times-- but we can't seem to time it right on a regular basis yet. No massive punches yet.

Maternity clothes: I'm feeling fairly well stocked for now, although I know I'll need a few new things once the colder weather arrives. I also bought two nursing night gowns today from Zulily-- my current obsession.

Nesting: House found! All brand new appliances purchased! I am pumped! The hard thing is going to be controlling my spending on new items for the entire house. But man it's so hard. I'd really like to get a bedroom set for our Master bedroom since we are still using a mismatched one I've had since I was in 2nd grade! In addition, I'd love a set for the guest room since my in-laws will most likely be staying with us for a bit after the Boys are born. Well, that and a new couch and dining room table. Yeah, nothing cheap about a new place! :)

I would just love to be able to show off our schanzzy home during my baby shower that will take place at our new house. We figure that is a good idea since we don't know if I will be on bedrest during that time or not.

Baby purchases: I MUST STOP LOOKING AT ZULILY. I am obsessed. Seriously, I have a problem! What haven't I bought for them?

Baby gifts: I received a great gift from our current neighbor. A few thing from our registry at "Babies 'R Us": the two Cookie Monster bath hoodies, nail clippers, hair brush and comb set and a bottle of Aveeno baby wash-- BATH TIME! :)

Not pregnant with baby, but full of extra time.

While dreaming of my peanut's future nursery I came across a few cool items.
One can dream, right?














Sweet bird lamp. I will have this one day. Serena and Lily.















Must have eco-friendly town. What a great toy!?!? Nordstrom.


"Marlo" bedding collection. It is neutral for boy/ or girl. This means when we move into the new house I can start to "nest" immmediatly! :) Serena and Lily.

Lastly, ...






























No nursery is complete without an overpriced chandelier. I figure if I spend thousands to get the kid, why not splurge on a lighting fixture??!?? Lily and Grace.

The ultrasound results.

Yesterday was another long-awaited moment. Although it was just the ultrasound, I was dying to see if my clomid had worked!

Well, it looks like it did enough so far.

I have one really good lookin' follicle on the right side (again). Apparently, the left side hates me. Either way, I have the green light for my very first IUI tomorrow.

I've heard many differing opinions on whether IUI is actually a form of ART or Assisted Reproductive Technology. Some say, yes, others say, no. All I know is there is definitely some assistance going on here that is out of the "norm".

So what does that all mean?

Read here to get all the technical jargon, but my version (dumbed down version) is this:

Yesterday, we had the ultrasound and found one really good follicle on my right side (see picture above).
The well developed follicle gave us the "go" for taking my second HcG shot last night around 11pm. DH did another great job of administering the shot. I always forget how painless the tiny needle is in my giant rear end. This shot tells the follicle to "RELEASE THAT EGG!!!" So hopefully if all goes as planned, Ovulation happens 36 hours later= 11am Friday.

Therefore, Friday morning, the man and I have called in to work (YES!) and will be making a trip to the OBGYN. My hubby will make a "deposit" at the doc around 10:15. Then they supposedly spin the Hell out of those suckers to remove any extra fluids and then load up the catheter--to prepare for me. I think they tell us how good his swimmers are at that point. (This news will possibly give me info that would allow me to change his eating and drinking habits :) Then, about 11am, I will have the IUI procedure (see gross looking photo below).

I hope and pray this works. Perhaps I have hostile cervical mucus and this is all we need to do to become pregnant. I love that phrase, "Hostile mucus".

In additional to all of this, next week Tuesday, I have my first appointment with my schnazzy RE. So yes, this IS the last appointment I will have with my OBGYN until I am pregnant. I'm ready for the big dogs if this does not work. BUT IT WILL WORK.

I am trying to be as confident as I can at each step. But this IS a big one. So wish me luck and toss a bucket of baby dust in my direction. I head to my FIRST IUI in the morning!!!! I am very excited.

The Conception Craze.

There are hundreds, thousands, dare I say--Millions of magazines and books out there on one topic that I so desperately want to know everything about. . . how to make a baby.

Now don't think me nieve. I know how it is supposed to be done, but more often than most people think, it's not as simple as all those unwed 14 year olds make it look.

I've read more books and magazines specializing in pregnancy and conception than I can count.
I've watched the TV shows, walked through the baby stores, and picked out clothes for other people's children.
I day dream about what color the nursury will be, the theme for the decor, and the way I will organize the closet.

I have also read the adoption books, applied to adoption agencies, and looked into donor eggs.

Why?

Because for me, it seems, wanting a baby simply isn't enough.

I'm 26 years old, happily married with a house, two cats, and money in the bank. I have a great job as a high school art teacher, stick to a vegetarian (mostly organic) diet, and enjoy time spent with my rather large and happily obnoxious croatian family.

I have also lived with PCOS for as long as I can remember.

Like most young girls, I spent most of my early teens trying to figure out what was going on with my body. As soon as I turned 11 and AF began, my body became a magnet for sugar and carbs--and that magnetic pull lead right to my ass.

I began to gain weight each year, my skin was a mess (Three rounds of Acutane didn't even help), strange hairs began popping up on the side of my face, my skin became blotchy near my arms and shoulders. Have I mentioned how much I crave carbs?

And every month before and during the arrival of good 'ol AF, I would buckle-over in pain. So much so I usually missed out on two days of "life" every month, laying in the dark with a hot water bottle on my ever-expanding gut.

I had always thought I was unlucky enough to have a lot of unrelated symptoms. Until one day.

With the arrival of the internet my freshman year in high school, I came across a website describing an illness that I fit every symptom--PCOS. I asked my GYN about it many times, but I don't ever remember getting a straight answer. I think sometimes doctors assume you "read too much" and get ideas in your head. But there was nothing hypochondriac-like about this. I was convinced I knew my own body.

Years later, in my early 20's, after a horrible experience with an abnormal pap, a Colposcopy without pain medication (I strongly advise getting 20 Xanax before), and years going untreated, I decided to take measures into my own hands. I read everything I could on PCOS and the best at-home treatments. When I went to see my GYN I began to carry on conversations as if she had already told me I had been diagnosed. Until one day, to my shock and surprise, she mentioned how she had diagnosed me with PCOS years before. I could've jumped across the room and choked her. When the Hell was she going to let me in on that????

Either way, that was all the ammo I needed to get the ball rolling. After reading many books and websites, I found an absolute gem, "A Patient's Guide to PCOS: Understanding--and Reversing--Polycystic Ovary Syndrome" by Walter Futterweit MD. Among the invaluable chapters of information, I found I was a perfect candidate for the pill, metformin. A pill which would allow my insulin be better absorbed.

As part of my PCOS, I am also insulin resistant. This basically means my body makes insulin, but not the receptors to allow it to be absorbed (or the sugar) into my body so it may be broken down. This explains why that sugar and carb thing is a huge issue to my weight problem.

I also went to see an Endocrinologist who specialized in PCOS. (I just needed that second opinion). She and my doctor gave me a bunch to tests and onto the wonderful Metformin I went. I'm currently up to 2000 mg/ day. It's a lot of pills everyday, but worth it.



So what does all this mean and why am I talking about receptors and insulin when I'm trying to make a baby?



It's all connected. One of the major symptoms of PCOS is difficulty becoming pregnant. Sometimes complete infertility.

BUT I HAVE HOPE!

So my friends, this is my journey.

Currently, We have been trying since August 2009 and no baby. No need to panic yet, but as you will find, I like to read up on everything and be a s prepared for the next step as possible. We have been testing ovulation each month and pin-pointing exactly when ovulation occurs using the expensive (but hopefully worth it) Clear Blue Easy ovulation monitor .

Since it's been five months of nada, we visted my GYN again. She suggested a few tests:

My husband just underwent a SA and yesterday we found all things are apparently normal on his end.

(Side note to all the women: You will find all the men's tests are mainly pain-free. Ours. . . well they suck. He was in and out of his test before my blood was even drawn for a liver screen.)

This Monday, I will head to radiology at the local hospital for a hysterosalpingogram. Yep, that is one word. (Try pronouncing it to your insurance company over the phone). What they basically do is look at your uterus and fallopian tubes via X-ray by injecting a dye into the areas they want to see. This can check for abnormalities and will make sure your tubes aren't blocked. In addition, it should clear out any odd materials in there and can increase chance of pregnancy over the next few cycles.

Sounds good and all, but I'm still a little terrified to be honest. Last time my GYN poked around and did the biopsy I was NOT happy. So this time I made sure to ask for the Xanax. Simply put: Cross your fingers for me. I'll update after the surgery, most likely to say it was no big deal.


My goal in writing this blog is to connect with other women (or men) who are going through or have come out on the other side of the conception mountain. Whether you struggle with PCOS, HPV, Endometriosis, or other fertility issues it's good to have a support system. While my husband continues to be an ever-present support for me, I know there are women who can share their wealth of knowledge. Perhaps together, we can find a roadmap through this vast array of information (the good and the bad) about something that many couples take for granted.

Throughout my journey, you will hear about my ups and downs in my own personal conception craze. I hope it can shed a little light, and humor, on this far too often emotional and isolating situation.