BETA #3 IN!!!

Can you find Waldo? (DH)

232!

Finally something that not only doubled, but more than TRIPLED!

While this doesn't mean this is in the clear, it's the first BETA that had done what it was supposed to!

The nurse still was "cautiously optimistic" and kinda bummed sounding. But I think she could tell that I didn't give a crap! :) I was on cloud nine--whatever happens, it's great news for once! Be happy for us lady!

I got the call while DH was running his 1/2 marathon in Chicago.
It was a VERY early morning of BETA testing--5am early.
But right after DH started his run at 8am, the clinic called. I had to hold that in until DH was finished!

Funniest part is, when DH completed his race, I ran up to him and said, "232!"

He thought I meant how fast he ran, as in 2:32.00.

He later told me he thought I told him the race time and was bummed out. He figured I wasn't telling him because it was bad news.
A few minutes later, he finally asked me if the clinic had called. I laughed and said, "I already told, you--232!".

He was so happy. I got the best DH hug ever-- in fact I think he kinda cried!

For now we are happy with our news! Wednesday, we got back in for BETA #4!

STAY OUT OF MY TUBES, BABY!!!!!


***UPDATE***

RE's office called. The doctor doesn't want me to do another BETA--instead he wants me to stick with the early u/s on the 5th.

Good and bad I guess. I was looking forward to hearing how big our beta will be on Wednesday--but this means we will make it to ULTRASOUND!!!

Looking forward to it and hoping for the best! 'Till FRIDAY!!!

. . . and again-- STAY OUT OF MY TUBES, BABY!!!! Hope to hear you little heart beat(s)! :)

Maybe this is TMI.

I've been thinking about the BETA #3 tomorrow for the last few days (since #2). I've been hoping for big jumps in numbers! Praying for at least 140 tomorrow.

But just now, I went to pee and found dark CM on the toilet paper. The same kind I see at the beginning and end of AF. Ontop of that I've had lower back pain and minor cramping today.

CRAP.

I'm trying to hold out hope but it's getting really difficult.

PLEASE PLEASE, let the BEAT DOUBLE tomorrow morning!!!!

TELL AF TO GO TAKE A HIKE!

Back from BETA.

8:14am

I am back from the BETA blood draw.

Now we wait.

I am home for teachers conferences today and will be sitting by the phone until the RE's office calls. Gonna be a long few hours. . .


11:43 am

WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO CALL??!?!?!


12:33pm

We called.

The results were not what we had hoped, but not enough to completely rule out a success.

BETA was 76.5. The rest of the details are in the sidebar.

We are still in BETA HELL. Our next BETA (#3) is on Sunday. We will be going in VERY EARLY before DH runs in a half-marathon in Chicago. I'll most likely get the call before DH has finished the race.

Sheesh. It never ends.

If the numbers are still rising, it sounds like we will schedule a VERY early ultrasound at the RE (back all the way in Chicago) for November 5th-ish. I should be about 5 1/2 weeks at that point. They will check to see if the embryo is developing normally and if it is in fact, nuzzled into the uterus, and NOT one of my tubes.

So here we go again. Another span of time spent waiting. . . I'm sick of not knowing. . .

I know they're implanted--now they must GROOOOOOWWWWW!

Wordless Wednesday.

On the night before the most crucial beta of our lives, I'd like to share a few images.

This is the view from bedrest after the egg transfer. Love the furbabies.

I want to make it to an Ultrasound.

That's our goal.

A 6-week ultrasound photo.

Baby steps, right? One step at a time.

So far our last BETA was kinda on the low side, but if the next BETA doubles (or more) we could well be on our way to another BETA test on the weekend.

THEN, if we have high enough numbers that keep growing-- it's a short (but endless feeling) wait until the ultrasound at 61/2 weeks.

We just want to see the little one on the ultrasound screen--hear a heartbeat. . . Frankly, I don't think that's too much to ask, right? Not for me or any of the other girls.

The fight is ON PEOPLE!!! Grow embies!!! NUZZLE IN!!!!

BETA in.

40.4 . . .

Not that great, but something.

I'm having a hard time being excited. Last time we were temporarily preggo it was 45. My fear is that this could be another ectopic by the way it is growing. But then again, who knows!

DH and I just cannot get excited yet. While we are happy it is not zero, we can't celebrate until we know for sure.

Thursday will be BETA #2. We will go in early in the morning, and then get results by noon-ish. DH and I will be home for teachers convention and will be able to get the call much earlier.

I wish I had some more joyful news but with our history, it is still too up in the air.

What I do need is a whole truckload of doubling dust!!! That beta needs to be 90+ next time!!!

Beta #1, tomorrow morning.

BETA #1 is tomorrow morning at 7am.

DH and I will call for the results when he comes home tomorrow afternoon around 3:30pm.

I have no idea what to expect. I have had horrible sharp pain in my lower abdomen all day today. I actually called the doctors office and told the nurse since I had no idea what was going on. It hurt on both sides and was relentless as one point. But nurse seemed not to be too concerned, but she understood I was in pain and wrote me another Rx for vicodin.

She also mentioned how women have called in with this problem before, and that many times it can be a sign they are pregnant. She explained the ovaries can be aggravated by the hormones and HcG. This does not mean I am pregnant, but it is still a possibility.

I am completely clueless. We just want to know for sure.

Either way, we will have at least one more beta to confirm the results.

Thank you all for the love and support during this process. We hope and pray for a miracle tomorrow. Results will be posted in the evening.

To pee or not to pee . . .

I wanna pee on this damn stick tomorrow. But after looking back at my results from July, I'm afraid that my line will not show up on 12dpET or be so light that it's disappointing.

I'm afraid of a tiny beta--which would make me think one or both embies might be in my tubes again. The ectopic has made me "gun shy" about this whole process. I can't just be happy now when I get pregnant--Not at least until 7 weeks when I can see the ultrasound and know my tubes haven't exploded from the kiddos.

So I want to know--am I pregnant???

These PIO (Progesterone In Oil) shoots are a pain in my ass. A few days ago, DH was giving me my shot in the right side of my booty. When we pulled the giant needle out--blood squirted out like a pouting fountain--all over the white rug. Crazy, right?

I am hoping that I will have good (BFP) news very soon--so that I feel there is reason for doing all these shots and wearing these stupid estrogen patches that I hate. The patches come off all the time. They annoy me every time I move. Today they are lined up, three strong, on my lower back. Before that, I had my lower tummy tagged. Good thing it's not bikini season anymore! But man, everyday at 8:30pm our life has to STOP!

So do I POAS before BETA or not?

I'm not sure-- I'll have to decide tomorrow morning before I pee at the crack of dawn. But I've gotta be honest--I probably won't give the results if I do. I'd need to keep the "unsure-ness" of an "at-home-preggo-test" between DH and I until Monday afternoon. Then, when BETA arrives-- I'll let you in!

PRAY FOR US PEOPLE!!!! (All four of us! :D)

Two reasons why women are awesome.

Don't me wrong. There are MANY reasons why women are awesome. However in interest of time and my growling belly (Hungry for REEEED ROBIN--YUMM!) I will list the two best from the past few days.

1.

One of the girls on the bump (and who also reads this blog) posted the best response to my freak out over a sneeze, yesterday:

I created this post:

She responded with:

And I quote:

Thanks, lady friend. I needed that. :)

Still a little too cautious, but it helps relieve some stress. . . now I can go take that poop I've been holding in since Saturday.

2.

An old friend of mine from elementary school moved away to another state years ago. On Sunday morning, she randomly posted this on my FB page-- the day after ET:

YEAH--I KNOW!!!

CRAZY.

No one has ever brought up my "imaginary-non-existent kids" before!!! Especially someone I haven't seen in YEARS.

Perhaps these kids do exist! . . . and maybe one of them is a girl :)

A sneeze and a stressful day.

I sneezed today--hard.

I am now paranoid that I've shot the kids out my ute. UGH.

I can't take this for the next 6 days and counting. . .

On top of that sneeze, I went back to work, teaching, this morning. It was one of the most stressful and LONG days of teaching I've ever had. I wanted to quit my job and never look back by the time I left at 7pm. It was dark and I was not in the mood.

Not only was I tired from teaching but I have estrogen patches on my gut, needle holes in my ass and a ute full of babies--so I hope. Every step, jump, bump, bounce and nudge I shudder.

What's happening to them in there? How careful do I really need to be?

This is stressing me out. Is it the weekend yet?

House arrest, day 3.

The days since ET have flown by laying in bed. It's the next week until BETA that I am afraid of. I have no idea how I'm going to think of anything but the two blasts in my ute! I have to go back to work tomorrow, catch up, do lesson plans, grade, stress, do two photo shoots and somehow stay low-stress and motionless until next Monday's BETA. (Which I will be thinking of all day THAT day).

So what happened over the last few days?

Saturday:

DH survived the night of being sick and was one hell of a trooper. He drove us down to the RE around 10am. At 11:15am we arrived and were taken back into our little 'curtained room'. My bladder was wayyyy full and ready to go. (You need a full bladder for this procedure so it will actually 'lift' up your uterus at a better angle).

Very soon afterwards, we were taken back and I undressed on the bottom half. I laid back and waited for the RE to arrive. He asked us how many we were putting in. We both said, "TWO!!!"

He put in the "spreader" and cleaned off my cervix (the worst part). Then they turned on the BIG screen. DH and I could see it all (The ultrasound) on a huge TV. He then put the catheter into my uterus. We could actually see it moving on the screen.

He then asked us to identify our embryos on the screen. They switched to the microscope and the was our last name, in huge letters. We didn't even see the two little dots that looked like to tiny water drops staring back at us. They looked like eyeballs!!! They were the cutest thing I've ever seen. DH and I will never forget it. Our blasts! Our babies!!!

They then sucked them up into the tube and we watched them slip them into my cervix through the catheter. Crazy. Two BB blasts into my ute!

RE said, "Looks like twins to me." He said he thinks it looks really good for us.

That was it. It was over. VERY low pain. It was an amazing experience and I got to leave with the photo of our little blasts!

The nurse rolled me back out to my room where I laid still for almost an hour. I talked with DH and listened to music, mostly Michael Jackson :)

At 12:47, I got to pee! I was so worried that I'd lose the blasts during the process--but I know that is silly.

Afterwards, DH and I packed up and left for home--all FOUR of us.

For the rest of the day DH and I laid around the house. DH moved the bed in front of the TV downstairs and we watched TV and talked about how crazy this all is.

The highlights from Sunday are the same except for one. The nurse called from the RE's office and said "Incredibly, ALL of our embryos are blasts and made it to freeze!" That's FOUR snowbabies!!!

To celebrate, we sat on the couch and bed like lazy butts! It was great. My back is hurting for sure, especially since we are still doing progesterone in oil shots nightly.

Today, Monday, DH went back to work. I am trying to ignore school work and take it easy. But now I have these THREE HUGE estrogen patches on my lower abdomen. DH helped me place them before he left for work. I swear they make me feel weird and kinda dizzy. But it's necessary to support the pregnancy--So, bring it.

In the meantime, I will be careful about every step and laying in bed upon arrival at home each day. I really hope to see two bright pink lines at the end of this week. I hope that our beta gives us HUGE numbers.

Nuzzle in little ones, Mom and Dad can't wait to meet you!

ON BOARD.

'Twas the night before ET. . .

'Twas the night before ET and all through the house, DH was throwing up and puking his guts out.

Yeah, that's right. Could our timing be any worse?

Hopefully he'll feel better by the morning because our ET is set for 11:15am!!!

Last word from one of the nice nurses is that we still have all 6 embryos--but won't really know until tomorrow when we talk to them.

I am most looking forward to having the photographs of the embryos and them knowing that they are IN MY UTE!!! Does that mean I am prego tomorrow at least? Probably not. But I'm going to try and think of it that way. :)

But first one more sleep. I have to take a shower and cleanse myself of all smells and lotions. Then, I'm going to bed. Excited for what will happen in the morning!

Nothing new to report today.

Nothing new to report today other than the fact that Progesterone in oil shots SUCK.

My ass is killing me.

I'm going to turn the rest of today's post into a "Wordless Wednesday".

I found this in a magazine a few weeks back. Ridiculous.

Fertility report--IN!

Let's get right to the point--

Nurse called. She told me the following:

• 7 of my 8 eggs retrieved were fully developed and could be fertilized.
• Out of those 7, 6 were successfully fertilized! (Can't wait to get my embie photos!)
• Apparently they must look pretty good thus far because the plan she told me is different than what the RE said yesterday. We transfer, Saturday! Blast transfer!!!

Yep, that's right! A 5-day blast transfer.

• You can read more about 5-day blast transfers here.
• Implantation rates of 5-day blast transfers here.
• Success rates of 5-day blast transfers here.

I am excited because this is what DH and I were really hoping for. Not only are the success rates greater, but the chances of multiples are more controlled at this stage. In addition, this means I will miss no more school this week and will only take off Monday, by choice, to give my uterus and embryos more time to cozy in with bed-rest.

I've heard many contradictory things about "how long is enough" for bed rest. I tend to lean on the side of caution. If we've gone this far, extra time in bed can only help.

I found on my last IUI (the only that was successful) that I laid in bed much of that day. Knowing that I am dealing with a hydrosalphinx which could possibly prevent implantation, it seems only logical to give my embryos all the chance I can for successful implantation.

I am beyond excited to get going with the ET. Now that I know the date, I am getting antsy.

What sucks about all of this?

Two things:

1. I won't hear anything about my embryos or ET again until Friday afternoon. (See: I will be calling my favorite nurse and bribing her with chocolate to go and look at my chart).
2. I begin the progesterone and oil injections today. BLECH. I hear they are the worst! Seriously, the needle is HUGE. I shall take a photo tonight and post it later.

I am going to try and stay a lot more calm and relaxed over this week. I'm going to try very hard to not let students piss me off. I am also going to try to not stress out too much about work or this whole process. (Good luck, right?)

Although I have chosen not to do acupuncture during this cycle, I have still done for spa treatments and massage during the past two months. I hope even for a short time it has helped me to relax.

Right now I am still bleeding a bit and in some pain (down below) from the ER yesterday. With each step I can feel pounding down there. I cannot get up quickly or walk fast--at all. I hope this goes away by Friday or that is going to be one painful transfer.

Tootles, all! Looks like the necklaces and socks are working!!! Is it Saturday, yet?

Egg Retrieval.

This morning was the egg retrieval. I was really hoping that we'd have at least 10-14 eggs retrieved. After all, they told me I had such a huge number of follies when we began. I was nervous., but prepared. I had on all three lucky necklaces and my lucky socks.

We arrived at the back door just before 8:40am. I felt like I was now part of the secret club. It was a private entrance for those of us having surgery, ER's or ET's. Not necessarily the club you dream of being a part of since you were a young child, but right now--I am proud card carrying member.

I went to my own little room with a curtain. I got into the gown and had my vitals checked. The nurse then listed off a huge set of instructions and medications I would need over the next two weeks.

DH was then wisked away from me to go give a fresh sample. "The sample of all samples". DH said, "This is the most important 'jack-off' in 31 years of life." True, true.

I then waited. . . and tried to relax. I figured I'd go back before DH returned--but then, there he was! I got to see him again before I walked back.

When the nurse came to get me, I went to the back room with her. One final pee before the procedure began. I had to crawl over the stirrups and get hooked in. They began by using the speculum and cleaning off my cervix to prevent infection. That kinda sucks. I didn't have the twilight hooked up yet and I HATE anything touching my cervix.

The anesthesiologist then numbed where she was putting in the IV. Seems pointless to me. Why numb something with a needle that you're just going to poke with another needle?

Anyways, both finished what they were doing and I could feel the sedation begin to kick in. I kinda enjoy it. It's a weird feeling. I reminded them that I wanted a photo of each ovary before they removed the eggs and before I knew it, things begin to blur and it's a soft fade into sleep.

Before I knew it, I was in my room again with DH staring at me. I never even saw the RE. For all I know a monkey came in and did the retrieval.

I did know I was feeling pain in my ovaries and abdomen. Cramping and intermittent sharp pains in really specific areas on both the left and right side. I also began to feel some bloating and pressure.

Once I sat for a while and the nurse had done several rounds of checking my blood pressure and pulse I was able to use the bathroom (again) get dressed. There was some bright red blood but not much. Nothing that made me want to pass out. Once changed I also took a vicodin of my own supply to help numb some of the pain. My RE says I can take those as long as I wish. But I'm not going to take more than 1 per day--and only then when I really need it.

Dh and I then waited a long time for the RE to finally appear and talk to us. He told us they retrieved 8 eggs.

That's it.

I know I should be thankful I got any. I know it only takes one. But I was really hoping that we'd have more. I'd like to have a backup in the deep freeze, if needed, and odds are it's not very likely that we will have many.

Either way, he told us we do not need ICSI and that we have a few scenarios in front of us:

• If all 8 are fertilized, we will automatically have a 5-day Blast transfer on Saturday.
• If less than 4 are fertilized, we will automatically have a 3-day transfer on Thursday.
• If 4-7 are fertilized and look good, we will check on Thursday morning and then decide if it will be a transfer than day or Saturday. (This is the choice I want the least).

The last two options are the least appealing, but also the most likely. It would be a pure miracle if all 8 are fertilized--but I am hoping and praying or it. Truly, I am.

I accept all forms of support and good thoughts! We are hoping for our miracle baby or babies!!! Our beta is on Monday, the 25th-- I am officially in the 2WW--even without the embabies inside me! SO CRAZY!!!

Love you all, thanks for the support!

A day without stims. . .

10.9.10

I spent my early Saturday morning driving to the RE for the 7th day in a row. They took my blood and did an ultrasound--again. Nothing out of the normal but we knew it would be Monday or Tuesday for the ER.

On the way home Dh and finally stopped at this "pancake house" we pass each visit to the RE.

It. was. awesome.

I had raspberry compote and cream cheese stuffed french toast with bananas on top. DH had a huge veggie skillet with hash browns underneath. If the eggs don't want to be made into babies for a piece of that in their future-- I don't know what else to do. :)

After a few hours we go the call.

My test results are listed on the side bar again. But in addition to that, they told me, "You're coming in Monday." AHHH Crazy!! It is time!!!

My egg retrieval will be this Monday at 9:10am. I need to be there by 8:40am to get settled and ready so that they can get started exactly 34 hours later. Hopefully, the eggs/follies won't have release before then!

I will have IV "twilight" sedation. I will also be wearing my lucky socks, my "exchange necklace", my horseshoe necklace, my feather (honeymoon gift) necklace and anything else I can find that will be lucky. Anyone else have thoughts!!?? :)

They told me I was DONE with Lupron, Gonal-F and baby aspirin. The only shot for the night was 10,000 units of HcG at 11:10pm.

Other guidelines include:

• No "sexy-time" until the ER.
• East and drink nothing after midnight Sunday.
• NO perfume, lotions or fingernail polish.
• DH needs to be there to make his "fresh deposit" and drive me home.
• Wait for call from anesthesia office to call with info.

After the ER on Monday, they will check out the eggs and fertilize them with DH's sperm. I will have to decide tomorrow whether we are doing ICSI or not. I prefer NOT to do ICSI unless we only have very few eggs or very low quality sperm. In light of all the 'technical and medical' interventions we have had to go through so far, I'd like to at least keep the fertilizing step up to mother nature--kinda, I mean, it's still happening in a dish. But, I think you get my point. I'd prefer not to have the selection of my child chosen by some nurse I've never met. I prefer the "throw them all together and see what happens" method.

After they have fertilized the eggs-now embryos (which ever method) we wait to see how they grow and divide. They will call me by Tuesday before noon. (See: I will be freakin' out all day until I know). At that point we will have information about how many eggs were successfully fertilized, what grade the embryos are, and how many they suggest putting in (we hope for at least two). If there are only a few embryos we will most likely do a "day three transfer" which would be Thursday. If there are many to choose from that are all progressing well, we will do a "5 day transfer" also known as a "blast transfer".

I will not post again until tomorrow after the ER. I hope all goes well and that my original 43 follies turn into some great numbers tomorrow. Wish me luck-- I'll see you on the flip-side. . . probably ten pounds lighter! :)

I've triggered!

11:15pm tonight, I triggered with 10,000 units of HcG!

I'm tired and sickly-- so going to bed! I'll tell you about today, tomorrow. . .

One more day of stims.

(Above: Left Follies, Below: Right Follies).

I received all my updates this afternoon at school. (I am always anxious to call as soon as 3 o'clock hits!) The nurse told me my numbers (see: right side bar) and said that I won't have the ER on 10.10.10, but most likely the next day Monday, 10.11.10 or at the latest Tuesday, 10.12.10. I am DAYS AWAY PEOPLE--DAYS! DH should feel lucky if I hold back from counting hours and minutes!

I am bummed that I will have to take off more school for this but it's another instance of "it will all be worth it in the end". There are about 36 follies at this point that are worth measuring. Some of the original 43 have "dissolved" into the others or haven't been keeping up. It is funny to me because the right ovary had 29 follies at the first count. Now it has less jumbo follies because each of the 29 follies had to "share the stim medication" with the others. While the left ovary had only 14 follies to begin with, so there was more medication to go around and therefore the follies we able to grow larger. Ah, so is life. . .

I'm hoping all the follies have some eggs to retrieve. I'm thankful that I have ANY follies, but would really like to have a bunch that are able to go to freeze. Unless we are able to use those for a FET, we will most likely not do another IVF cycle until Summer--but this will work so why am I even wondering? :)

In the meantime, DH and I are addicted to all-foods-crappy. We are about to indulge in some Little Caesars $5 pizza for dinner. I wish we could get our eating habits back on track. We are not huge or overweight (in fact DH runs marathons) but we usually eat much better. Last year at this time I was on a vegan cleanse. We just can't seem to get back on track.

We're stressed, tired, and I am HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. I have gained 10 pounds from the meds and this way of eating. Crazy.

All I do know is, when I get the positive pregnancy test, I will repeat my habits of the last pregnancy--I am a fitness/diet animal. I paid good money for this baby (or babies)--I'm treatin' it right!

CD9 and counting. . .

It appears I am VERY close to my ER.

The estimated date was 10.10.10. I think they may be right. It will most likely either be Sunday or Monday. Tricky when you are a teacher. I have to make and prepare sub-plans tonight for Monday in case I am not in. BAH!

Either way, it will be worth it--I just have to find the motivation to get my butt in gear.

In other news, Yesterday was a bit of a mess with scheduling my day. I was running on a tight schedule hoping to get back to school in time to teacher ALL of my classes that day. However, before we even got a few miles down he highway, there was a HUGE accident and it pushed us 30-40 minutes late. . . which of course threw everything else off for the rest of the day. I have to say though, with all the driving DH and I have been doing down to IL over the past few weeks, we are simply thankful it was not us in the fatal car accident.

Today, went much better. It was a halfway calm day. We went in, I got poked for blood work and an u/s and then DH made his "emergency deposit".

Allow me to explain: If there was any trouble with DH providing a "sample", "deposit", "splooge" on the ER date, we'd be screwed. So to take stress off of DH and to give us some added security, DH did a "just in case sample" that will be checked and frozen today. If for whatever reason he can't give on on ER date, they will just use the frozen sample from today. it's an extra 100 bucks, but compared to what this whole thing has cost us in time and money--that's chump change.

We also got more update on follie sizes. (See sidebar to right).

I'm pretty happy with where things are right now. In a way its good to know that not 43 follies have grown to 16mm. On the other hand, I wish more of them would grow faster and catch up with their bigger sisters. As long as they are big and strong or "Big is beautiful" as the u/s tech said today, then it will all be okay. (16mm is needed).

Hopefully, tomorrow is the last "during a school day" that I will have to travel to the RE and then to school. For ER and ET, when I'm back--I stay put!

BRING IT!!!

WOOT!

Back up to 112.5 units of Gonal-F!

I think that's a good thing, right?

I had gotten dropped down to 75 units the last few days because of my "too good response". I just want to keep my 43 follies in motion! Grow suckers, GROW!

Tomorrow, I hope does not turn into a nightmare. I am attempting to drive all the way to the clinic for a 6:30am apt and then be back to teach at my high school by 8:14am.

HAHAHAHA!

I have to. If I don't go in, the first two classes of kids will be SO behind and have NOTHING to do while I'm gone. Gotta get them all on board. Hopefully everyone is there for the demo tomorrow. (Fingers Crossed).

Another day filled with frustration. This is getting old.

Spent the morning in the emergency room. Yeah, I know I must be living on top of an Indian burial ground.

In light of all the other craziness, I've not mentioned the massive amount of pain I've been in. My neck, back (no I'm not singing that song. . . dirty minds.) and arm on my left side are KILLING ME. I'm not sure what I pulled or tore during this last week, but I can't even turn my neck or lift my arms properly. It's bad people, real bad. Biggest problem? I can't take the muscle relaxer they've prescribed because they don't have enough evidence to know what harm it causes pregnant women. WTF. So in the meantime, I must sit in pain. I've made an apt with the spine center-- I hope they can fix me.

In other news, the ultrasound tech/ nurse, whatever was the crankiest bitch today--yes, more than usual. The clinic was unexplainably late today. We arrived on time and there was no one in any of the rooms. I went in for my blood work and briefly talked to the nurse.

No one really told me what was going on after this point. One nurse told me to go into a u/s room. So I did. They told me to go empty my bladder (Also see: take a pee) as usual. I did. I came out and DH had my stuff in his hands and the tech kinda pushed us into another room without really saying anything.

I finally went and asked if I should be getting undressed (as usual). She said, "Just wait."

Uh, okay.

So poor DH who had been in the ER with me since 4:30am and then drove all the way to Chicago and had to work later had to sit there with me. And we sat. . . . and sat. . .and then DH tried to sleep. So did I, but my neck hurt too badly to fall asleep.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted to know what the heck was going on. Am I still waiting? Is someone coming? What is the hold up?

I just stuck my head out and said to the one nurse, "Do you know how much longer it is going to be? We've been in this room for over a half an hour without anyone telling us why or what we are waiting for?"

She seemed a little surprised that I even asked what was going on. But said she was sorry and that my RE was running behind. I asked if he was going to be giving the u/s. She said he wasn't. . . . so why am I waiting for him then?

Finally, the foreign u/s tech came in and told us to move to the other room again. She was mumbling something about how things get backed up and the doctor does what he wants and saying things that made it seem like we were being too uptight about the wait.

Before, I was fine. I just wanted to know what was going on.

Now, I was mad. She was accusing me of being unreasonable. Like I did something wrong by asking how much longer I;d have to wait past my apt time?

During the u/s I didn't say a thing. I seriously wanted to cry. DH stood there with his hand on my chest and didn't say anything either.

After she finished she said, "I can see you're upset."

I tried to explain why and that I wasn't upset before, I just wanted to ask what was going on. Why is that a problem? I have no idea how this got so blown out of proportion. But again, something must have gotten lost on translation. There was an uncomfortable silence and feeling in the office on the way out. We left angry and confused as to what had just happened.

All I know is, we've paid wayyyyyy too much money to be treated like this. Especially since we now have to go in every day this week. . . most likely every day until the retrieval.

On the way home, I tried to relax and talk with DH. But we were very agitated and tired, not at each other, just at this whole situation.

When we arrived home, we took a nap before DH had to go to work. I took the whole day off luckily. I usually don't but since the apt time was so late (9:00am) I decided it might be best. Glad I did. Hardly got any sleep last night and with my neck in such pain, I would have been horrible to be around today. Students--be glad I called in.

This afternoon, I called the medical voicemail where I got my stim instructions for tonight. Another day of 75 units of Gonal-F and then 5 units of Lupron.

They also said I have 29 follicles on my right side and 14 on my left. That's 43 follies people!

As of yesterday, sizes are 11, 10, two-9's, four-8's, four-7's and then lots of little guys.

If these guys keep growing and develop well, hopefully I won;t have to go through another full IVF cycle again. Good Lord, PLEASE!

Oh for F*ck Sake!

I'm still recovering from yesterday (and the day before).

So when today hit, I kinda. . . .wanted to throw myself under the train.

. . . . . . . . . .

This morning, we left for a very welcome WEEKEND (insert angel music) visit to the RE. It was the second u/s and blood work test--the first since going on stims (Gonal-F).

When we arrived just after 9 am, we were promptly taken back right away. The first time this as happened, might I add. When the nurse told me to come back, I looked around and actually asked, "Me?"

It wasn't worth rehashing what happened two days ago. So I didn't ramble on when she said they now have all the clearance needed. She took my blood and then sent me in for another ultrasound with the foreign lady.

She is an interesting woman. The first time we met, she went on and on about what a "beautiful uterus" I have. But every time we've met since then, she's been crabby as Hell. DH and I think she must never want to be there.

Anyhow, she did the ultrasound and seemed to roll her eyes as I asked for another print out of my ovaries (this time the left one, see: below).

But what do I care? I feel like we've paid BIG BUCKS for this. So if I want 20 photos a day, I've paid for it.

And then. . .we were done. In and out in twenty minutes. Yet it takes us over two hours to drive there and back. It did feel weird to leave without having to stop at the little payment window. Well, at least it did until we realized we had already paid last visit. I think that amount should cover us for a while. :)

On the way home, I did the mortal sin. Although I stayed vegetarian, I ate breakfast with DH at McDonalds: "The death bin". I have many issues with the animal practices at most fast food restaurants. But we were very hungry and a long way from home. I did enjoy a "Cheese and Egg McGriddle" with greasy hash browns and an OJ. Felt a little sick-- that's what I get.

Once home I anxiously awaited the results of the blood work.

Around 1pm, the RE's office called.

I was expecting, "All good, see you on Tuesday."

I got, "You need to come in every day this week."

WHAT?!?!?

Apparently, I'm "responding too well" to the stims.

What the Hell.

I have a new teaching job, in a new district, which is enough on it's own. Now I need to miss a week? Before I miss for the ER and ET? BAH!

My estrogen levels were at 424. They should be between 150-300. I don't want to get overstimulated and 'kick the bucket' so I know I have to go to these appointments each day.

I am just so sick of everything going wrong over the last few days.

I'm nervous that I'll develop OHSS or have to cancel this cycle.

Hopefully, it's just another bump along this screwed up road of infertility. Next stop? I'm only getting off in "babyland" :)

Tomorrow: Another RE u/s and blood work scheduled. . . Just like the rest of this week. . .

Stupid people strike again-- AGAIN!!!

BAH.

Today, poor DH got up bright an early (on a weekend) to give me my morning shot of Gonal-F and then sit around and wait for our delivery of a refrigerated Gonal-F pen to come from Freedom pharmacy before noon.

He watched a movie, did some school work, ate some cookies and waited. . . . and waited. . . and finally, he came upstairs about 12:30pm and told me nobody came yet.

WTF.

I called the pharmacy and told them how we are still waiting for the package that was supposed to arrive before noon. The lady said, "wait. . . let me track it. Can you hold?"

Can I hold. Kinda ironic I think. I've been doing a LOT of holding for other people lately. More work and stress on my part for other people not doing their jobs

"Yes." I say. So now I wait. . . and wait. . . and finally another chick answers the phone. She says "Can I help you?"

I sure as shit hope you can, lady.

I tell her how I've been waiting and explain the whole thing over again. She clearly had no idea what I was on the phone waiting for before she answered. I told her I need this today--in fact hours ago. This is a fertility pharmacy. They should have a clue.

She tells me they have the wrong address on the shipping slip and that it appears it was sent to "1135" instead of "1335".

Seriously?

You've sent me 5-6 packages in the past. I've never had to change my address. In fact, I repeated my address to you when I made this order. Whatever. The fact is somebody screwed up and I'm still sitting here waiting for an 800 dollar pen. She said she'd email this info to customer service and get back to me. I told her I want to talk to someone NOW. I need to know what the Hell is going to happen. She assured me someone will call me back within the hour.

I wait. . . again. DH goes down the street to the imaginary "1135" address. No building is there. I try to spend time panning healthy meals for the week.

An hour or so later I get a phone call. This time it's from Fex Ex. They apparently claim no responsibility for the package being addressed to the wrong place. I get that. They try and take it to where it says it needs to go. But that doesn't change my predicament. She says, "We'll have someone bring it to you Monday."

Monday.

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I told her, "Uh, not a chance in HELL. It needs to refrigerated, hence the refrigerated package it's in. It's an 800 dollar medication that I need today. No, not Monday, TODAY. I need someone to bring this now. I don't care who's fault it is, all I know it's not my fault and I need it--NOW."

She says, "Well it's not our fault it's the company that sent it, they made the address--"

"You don't seem to understand", I interrupt. "I don't care how or why this happened. I need this today, you have my medication. You know where it needs to go. You need to bring it to me. Period,"

Now she goes and talks to her supervisor.

She comes back onto the phone and says, they don't know what time, but they'll have it for me sometime today-- Now we're talkin'.

Another hour later, she calls back and says it'll be here in about 20 minutes.

I'm waiting.

But no call from Freedom pharmacy yet. Weren't they supposed call over an hour ago. I'm calling those bastards now. . . .

Update: No response from the pharmacy yet. Fed Ex, finally dropped of the package at 2:45pm. But, Freedom pharmacy, I'm not done with you yet.

I'm STIMMING!!!

That's right people, I'm on the stimming meds. 225 of Gonal-F each day.

Here's how this all happened:

Thursday, September 30th, I awoke (very) early and headed to the RE. When DH and I got there we waited again for them to call us back. About 15 minutes after our apt time, we were called back. The nurse (not my usual, Sue) said I was missing an approval from my old OBGYN that said it was okay for me to proceed with the IVF cycle.

Apparently, way back over a year ago when I had my last Pap a few abnormal things appeared. I guess not enough to make my Gyno's office tell me about it, because I didn't know until now. Anyway, because of that they needed clearance from the doctor in addition to the report--which I might add was already a fiasco trying to get to them. Funny though, my RE's office saw this last week (9.20) and didn't tell me until the LAST MINUTE. Not to mention my old RE did our first IUI-- if they didn't think I should be pregnant they definatley wouldn't have given me an IUI or clomid 3x.

The nurse said I needed to get that to them TODAY or I couldn't get my stimming instructions for that night by 4pm. Nice. Aren't I supposed to be trying to stay stress-free?

She said she was going to fax them the letter they needed and hoped they'd return it right away, but that I still needed to call myself (again).

After that whole ordeal, we had to try and explain our new insurance. Why our IVF isn't covered even after they had approval from some dumb bitch at Humana. Then, I had to try and explain why we haven't paid two tiny bills because I am still in debate with the insurance company about them. This and then we had to pay them 9,100 dollars.

Then the real fun began.

First, I had my blood drawn so they could check my levels and give me stim instructions. Then, I went in with the foreign lady for my dildo cam apt. Yeah, that's right during my period. Get used to it ladies-- if you're doing IVF, it's just part of the deal.

Anyways, it was a little annoying, but still interesting. Look what the Lupron did!!! I have many a follie now!!!

(ABOVE: My ute and the tiny lining).

(ABOVE: Right ovary pictured, more on the left ovary as well).

Afterwards, we left and headed to breakfast (It was only 8am at this point). We indulged in the usual on-the-way-home stop-- The Cracker Barrel. PANCAKES!!!

When we arrived back in Milwaukee about 9:45am, we needed to take quick powernaps before we headed back to work (teaching) for the afternoon. Problem was I only got a 45-minute nap. This + Christine= CRANKY. Damn kids drove me NUTZ the rest of the day.

Finally, 3 o'clock came. I headed home. NO MESSAGE OF MY STIM INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE RE.

NONE.

So I called and asked if they got anything back from the OBGYN.

First the stupid girl at the front didn't know what I was talking about. I am so sick of having to tell her everything I want to ask the nurse BEFORE I talk to the nurse. Just let me talk to the woman, damnit! Why do I have to give you my life story every time I call?

When the nurse finally answered, she said they hadn't gotten anything from the OB yet and won't be able to give me my stim instructions until they get it.

I FLIPPED.

I went off on her. I bet she wasn't happy she had to take my call. I told her it was utter bullshit that they waited until THE DAY I needed my stim instructions to tell me I needed to get this info from my OBGYN. That if they didn't give the instructions to me regardless of whether they had 'clearance or not', I was going to take 225 units of gonal-F this evening with my 10 units of lupron, like I remember the nurse saying something about last week. I told her we've paid too much damn money and invested too much of our time and effort to f#ck this up because you guys didn't give me adequate time to handle this.

I had enough. I told her I was going to do my best and call the OBGYN and get the stupid fax back to them.

I called. They had to find the fax. FIND IT.

It was sent about 7:30am that morning. It was now 3:50pm. I told the lady, they needed to do this now, or I was screwed. I also mentioned how I was pissed no one told me I had anything abnormal on my last pap, especially since I was someone who had cancerous cells on her cervix that had to be removed within the last 10 years. (At this point, I was pissed about a LOT).

She said she'd find a doctor to sign it and fax it to them.

Not 3 minutes later, she calls back.

Apparently, she said they HAD faxed the letter signed by my doctor last TUESDAY the 28th.

Yep.

The 28th. . .

Mmm, Hmmm.

"Okay." I said. "I'll let them know."

She said she'd fax it again, just in case.

I called back the RE's office. I tried to tell the stupid girl at the front desk they'd already sent the f'n fax two days ago, but she put me on hold before I could even finish my sentence. Ass.

When the nurse answered, she jumped right into, "Okay, we have it--now here's your stims instructions--are you ready? Are you ready!??!!?"

I was so damn anxious to get the damn thing started and be done with the bullshit of cleaning up everyone else's messes, I just said, "Yep! I'm ready--got my pen!!!!"

The plan:

Thursday 9.30: 225 units of Gonal-F--"RIGHT NOW." She said. (Uh, okay). Then 5 units of Lupron and the baby aspirin.

Friday 10.1: 112.5 untis of Gonal-F in the AM. 112.5 units of Gonal-f, 5 units of Lupron, and the baby aspirin in the PM.

Saturday: Same as Friday.

Sunday: No drugs until you see us at 9:10am for your next u/s and blood work.

I also had to order another Gonal-F pen. $780 bucks a pop!

In the meantime, the gonal-F pen it a breeze. Yet, I am still a cranky bastard. I have constant headaches, and my NECK and BACK ARE KILLING ME. I already set-up two massages for the next two weeks.

So there you have it. I feel my posts getting more testy as time passes and medications increase.

Therefore, as a public service announcement to the RE's office: You better have your shit together when I see you next--'cause I'm stimmin'.