My wish for 2011. . .

I wish us all a better and more hopefull 2011.

There were many difficult things DH and I went through in 2010.

I begin the year with clomid and HcG shots. Timing our "intercourse" so that the romance became non-existent.

We moved on to IUI's and a new "Reproductive Endocrinologist"--whatever that is.

We finally became pregnant in July only to find out is was ectopic and had to be terminated. That was something I never wanted to go through again. I was very thankful it was during Summer vacation.

I began a new job-- and soon found out it may not be the one for me.

I started the process of IVF and moved to another RE in another state.

DH and I did the shots, the daily hour drive, the monitoring, the poking, the hoping and the praying. Our IVF was positive! But the number's weren't great. And we soon had to terminated another ectopic pregnancy-- this time without the comfort of staying at home on Summer break.

There were days I cried at the drop of a hat. I cried when DH left me for work-- I cried because I had to go to work. I nearly quit my job.

I've gained 20 pounds since May. All the hard work I put in to losing the weight before baby had come back on during my quest to have one pregnancy that lasts.

And now, I've ended the year by having a laparoscopy to remove any endometriosis and disconnect/burn both fallopian tubes. I'm now completely at the mercy of IVF and my RE.

I now count the days until February 16th, 2011--exactly 8 weeks after my surgery. The day I can begin FET#1. We have one perfect little snowbaby waiting for us along with three others that still look pretty damn good.

I can't thank you all enough for following me on this journey. Your kind words of compassion and encouragement really mean a lot to me. It keeps me blogging-- keeps me documenting this experience that sometimes feels like no one else understands. But we are not alone. An estimated 90-million, yes million, couples struggle with infertility across the world. 90 million couples who want what the rest of the world sometimes take for granted-- a chance to raise a biological child of their own.

While we may not have had all of our dreams come true this year, next year is another fresh start-- another chance to hope.

DH and I will go through more treatments this year; beginning our first FET cycle. While we hope that in FET we will finally find success, we are also preparing to begin the adoption process in July. In July we will be married three years. Korean adoption requires a thee year marriage minimum for all interested couples and we will finally meet that requirement.

Thank you all for sharing your struggles with me as well. Some of you I know from the "bump" chat and some of you have found me from other sources and blogs. My wish for you is to find the joy, happiness, and hope that you deserve! That your miracle will come in 2011 as well. After all "11" IS my lucky number.

As my cousin (who's a riot) said to me the other day...

"If you take "2011" and turn a "1" on its side on-top of the other "1"--you get a "positive" sign!!!!

May 2011 bring "positive signs" to all of us!

I am a teenage boy's dream.

Not a chance I will ever get knocked up again.....Well, without IVF/FET intervention that is.

Last Wednesday I had the long-awaited and much anticipated surgery. The last stand for our fertility. Now that the surgery is complete, there is nothing else we can do but hope and pray that the IVF/FET cycles work. The eggs are great, the sperm is kickin' and together we have made many a schnazzy embryo. Now those happy little embryos just need to find their final resting place in my uterus-- and stay there for about nine months. THE UTE EMBIES--THE UTE THIS TIME!!!!

Yes, both tubes have been disconnected from the uterus. However, with everything, there remains a TINY little nook on both sides where the embies could possibly still get stuck. But I'll be damned if that will happen again.

So what happened on Wednesday? (Other than a two day early vacation from school).

I first went to have a pedicure before I left so that if something happened to me during surgery, at least my feet would be pretty. Yes, basically I was scared shitless that I would not wake up from anesthesia--

But I did!! Holy crap, here I am!

I went in to surgery around 2pm. They wheeled me away from DH into the OR and made me transfer onto another bed with a hole near my keester. After I saw the anesthesiologist come in I felt a few tugs on my IV. Before I knew it, I was quickly put under. While I did feel like some time had passed since I was asleep, I of course didn't know it or even feel anything. What I do know is that I awoke with three bandages; one over the stitches in my bellybutton and one on each of the sides of my lower abdomen. Yikes.

They actually needed to give me FIVE doses of pain meds through my IV before the pain was lowered enough to go sit in recovery.

Once I was there DH showed up and sat with me for the next few hours. I spent most of the time trying to stay awake (very unsuccessfully) and making unsuccessful attempts at peeing.

The nurses first said they wouldn't let me leave until I took a pee. . . . well, now after 8 o'clock, we decide I will just take another dose of meds and sleep all the way home.

And that I did.

I actually couldn't pee until the next morning--strange. But I later found out that they did burn some endometrial tissue from on top and underneath my uterus as well as some from on my bladder. Not much (about stage 1 or 2) but enough that I am glad it has been removed.

Will this help our quest for pregnancy? I sure as Hell hope so!!!

We will have to wait until the end of February for me to heal before we can begin the FET cycle.

Two months (8 weeks) from the surgery would be February 16th, 2011. A late valentines gift-- I really, REALLY pray this is it. After all, eleven IS our luck number. 2011, . . . cold this be our year??? The baby (or babies) could be born before next Christmas. . . . making the laparoscopy more than worth every second.

For now, I will continue to sit and heal before the FET. I have just a bit of pain on my incisions. More uncomfortable than anything. Then, on the 10th, I will go back to see my RE (surgeon) as a follow up to make sure everything is in tip-top shape.

I HATE THE WAIT!!!!! AHHH!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

Merry Christmas to all!

My lap went just fine and I will have some time to update after Christmas.

Right now, typing isn't the most comfortable--so I will wait a few more days and enjoy some eggnog in the meantime!

Just wanted to say, "all is well" and wish you a IF-free holiday!!!!

Goodbye connected reproductive system.

Tomorrow at 1:45pm is my laparoscopy.

The plan is to disconnect both tubes, check for endo (remove it) and possibly remove the tube with the hydrosalphinx.

Not sure when I will have chance to write again but hopefully by Thursday evening?

Thanks for all the support guys! See you all on the flip-side!

Wordless Wednesday.

Yeah, SUGERY is set--but nothing else.

Stupid RE's office has AGAIN cancelled and "rescheduled" and appointment of mine because the Doctor doesn't want to drive all the way to the office for my appointment.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Does he understand how far I am driving??!?!

Ass.

So I am rescheduled, or "bitch-slapped" to next Monday at 5. We'll see if they can hold that appointment.

Surgery set.

Surgery is set for Wednesday, December 22nd at 1:30pm.

DH and I will meet with my RE's partner (apparently a "hottie" form what I hear) that will do the surgery on Monday--yes this Monday. Back to the long drives.

Both tubes will be disconnected and they will check for endometriosis during the surgery. The creepiest part is that I will be out-- I mean O-U-T, out! Breathing tube--the whole ordeal! This makes my wisdom teeth look like a trip to Disneyland.

Am I nervous--Hell yes. But this is the only option we have. We want a baby. I want it bad enough to have this surgery--whatever that means. The hope is this will fix the issue we have with repetitively having ectopic pregnancies.

This is the last thing we can do to help IVF be successful. That's it. After this we hope and pray that the embies survive the thaw and that our quality of embryos remains high. I can't wait to put the 6AA embryo into the ute!!!!

Apt with RE tomorrow--and AF today.

I was awoken --again--by morning cramps.

Why does this always happen? I can't even get a good night's rest!

Anyways, I have the long awaited appointment with my RE tomorrow at 1:30pm. It was enough drama just trying to get the appointment in the first place. But DH and I have made a list of questions to ask about WTF happened with the last IVF, what the surgery is like, how long it take to recover, and if we should even have it in the first place!

I hope to have a few updates when I return.

My hope for all of this is to fix every problem possible and have a successful FET in March--and that they code it so my insurance will pay for it. There's always a way--perhaps a concentration on a "check for endometriosis". :)

Wordless Wednesday.

Remember Summer?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

My favorite Christmas show-- Christmas Eve on Sesame Street!!!! (circa 1982).