My wish for 2011. . .

I wish us all a better and more hopefull 2011.

There were many difficult things DH and I went through in 2010.

I begin the year with clomid and HcG shots. Timing our "intercourse" so that the romance became non-existent.

We moved on to IUI's and a new "Reproductive Endocrinologist"--whatever that is.

We finally became pregnant in July only to find out is was ectopic and had to be terminated. That was something I never wanted to go through again. I was very thankful it was during Summer vacation.

I began a new job-- and soon found out it may not be the one for me.

I started the process of IVF and moved to another RE in another state.

DH and I did the shots, the daily hour drive, the monitoring, the poking, the hoping and the praying. Our IVF was positive! But the number's weren't great. And we soon had to terminated another ectopic pregnancy-- this time without the comfort of staying at home on Summer break.

There were days I cried at the drop of a hat. I cried when DH left me for work-- I cried because I had to go to work. I nearly quit my job.

I've gained 20 pounds since May. All the hard work I put in to losing the weight before baby had come back on during my quest to have one pregnancy that lasts.

And now, I've ended the year by having a laparoscopy to remove any endometriosis and disconnect/burn both fallopian tubes. I'm now completely at the mercy of IVF and my RE.

I now count the days until February 16th, 2011--exactly 8 weeks after my surgery. The day I can begin FET#1. We have one perfect little snowbaby waiting for us along with three others that still look pretty damn good.

I can't thank you all enough for following me on this journey. Your kind words of compassion and encouragement really mean a lot to me. It keeps me blogging-- keeps me documenting this experience that sometimes feels like no one else understands. But we are not alone. An estimated 90-million, yes million, couples struggle with infertility across the world. 90 million couples who want what the rest of the world sometimes take for granted-- a chance to raise a biological child of their own.

While we may not have had all of our dreams come true this year, next year is another fresh start-- another chance to hope.

DH and I will go through more treatments this year; beginning our first FET cycle. While we hope that in FET we will finally find success, we are also preparing to begin the adoption process in July. In July we will be married three years. Korean adoption requires a thee year marriage minimum for all interested couples and we will finally meet that requirement.

Thank you all for sharing your struggles with me as well. Some of you I know from the "bump" chat and some of you have found me from other sources and blogs. My wish for you is to find the joy, happiness, and hope that you deserve! That your miracle will come in 2011 as well. After all "11" IS my lucky number.

As my cousin (who's a riot) said to me the other day...

"If you take "2011" and turn a "1" on its side on-top of the other "1"--you get a "positive" sign!!!!

May 2011 bring "positive signs" to all of us!