It's been a long week.

No Joke.  A long week.

Last Friday, the 24th (9w1d), I awoke to pee for the 2nd (or 3rd?) time that night.   Unfortunately, I found that I was bleeding-- enough that no matter how many times I wiped, I had toilet paper covered with bright red blood.

Awesome.

I immediately told DH and got my phone to call the 'emergency line' for my OB.  Keep in mind this is about 6:15am.  I thought it was over.   I listened as the on-call doc asked me questions about the last time we had sex, activities, etc.  Nothing that was too alarming.  But as I talked I started to realize what this could be.  The panic of having a third baby turned to the desperate hope that it wasn't over.  I hung up the phone and I cried.  DH stayed home from work, giving up another sick day.  That mean one less day at home with (hopeful) baby 3.0.  (We have zero paid maternity/paternity days as teachers).

I then had to wait until 8:30a to make an appointment for an u/s that day.  The next apt wasn't until 12:45p.  So I laid low and waited. . . . .awake for most of it.

Once I got there (and waited some more) I had another vaginal u/s.  I was hoping to be done with those stupid things.  We saw baby moving around looking almost like he/she was doing some kind of hip-shaking dance move.  Baby was so much bigger than the last time we had an u/s. Heart rate was much stronger at 170bpm.

It was great to see baby looking so well on the u/s but it also left me without any answers as to what caused the bleeding.  My OB (whom I have a love/hate relationship with) didn't give me much to go off of.  All I knew was that baby looked okay.  For that moment, I had to be happy with that.

I continued to have 'old dark blood' every day until yesterday, Thursday the 30th . . .

Yesterday I awoke to more bright red blood.  This time I felt a bit more familiar with the situation.
I again called my OB and talked to the doc on-call.  This time it was my OB.  Again I was told to come in for an u/s.  DH had already left for work, so I called and told him to go on with his day until I knew when the u/s appointment would be.  After a bunch of screwy phone calls trying to make an appointment, I finally got the one time they would give me (see: I had no choice) at 11:30.
Poor DH had to completely rearrange his schedule and take another 1/2 sick day as he had the only car with the boys' car seats and therefore I couldn't meet him at the doctor's office.

Once I got there I had to wait a long time to be seen by the u/s tech.  Again with the dildo-cam they looked at baby.  Baby was moving all about and had a strong heart rate of 173bpm.  Baby was also measuring just behind my EDD at 9w3d. (Currently 10w exactly on Thursday).
After the u/s my OB came in and basically said I wouldn't benefit from seeing my perinatologist for an u/s and that It's most likely SCH (subchorionic hematoma) (90% sure) and that I might have to just keep coming in for u/s to check on baby any time this happens.  Of course if I get far enough along and can feel baby move then I might not feel the need to come all the way to the doctor at those times.  She also was very blunt and 'blasé' about the fact that it "is or isn't a miscarriage and there's nothing I can do about it" blah blah blah.  She seriously has NO bedside manner at all.  I reminded her that this is our last embryo and shot at this so it's not such a flippant thing for me.  She has another patient "Stacey"--yes, she told me her name, (HIPA laws anyone?) that apparently has have SCH since the beginning and is 20w now with some huge clotting.  My guess is she will continue to compare me to her the rest of my pregnancy, whether it is the same or not. . . sigh.

So it has been a long, long, week.

I'm taking it easy as I am basically on pelvic rest again (no sex, no exercise) until further notice.  I will update with any further info I have about the 'new situation'.

8 weeks. Let's start some stats!

Yesterday, marked 8 weeks pregnant.  (Cue the "ute goggles").   I am still walking around in shock-- especially since no one really knows yet.  The principal at DH's school has known about our process so he could take time off.   My OB knows of course, but that's pretty much it.  

I made a few upcoming appointments for the boys and I.  I made a follow up allergy appointment for the boys in February (I'm still hoping the dairy allergy will disappear).  I also made a few upcoming OBGYN appointments for myself.  It should be about every 4 weeks until 30 weeks.  The next appointment is for the nuchal screening in February.  One week later, I will see the OBGYN to discuss the results and see if any further testing is needed.  March 21 is another general OBGYN check-up and all the way in April is the 20-week ultrasound.  That should be the latest we would know the gender of the baby-- YES, we are finding out.

Now, I give you....

Current stats:
Weight Gain: About the same, maybe 1 or 2 pounds.
Cravings:  Malts from Culvers, salads, sandwiches (veggie subs with cheese), oatmeal cookies.
Nauseous: Not really much.  Just a twinge every now and then. Exhausted more than anything.
Belly touches: Just DH.
Feeling: Some RLP if I move too suddenly and usually complete exhaustion.  I fell asleep watching 'Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood' with the boys today.  Although I am not at a paying job, staying home with the twins all day has proved to be much more exhausting.   My neck has also been 'jacked up' since Monday.  The right side has been extremely painful/uncomfortable.  It doesn't help that I cannot take any serious pain meds for it or my cold either.  Lastly, I have horrible acne everywhere on my face and neck.  WTH.  Currently, I'm going to start a search for a better facial product to help with it.
Boy or girl:  DH thinks it's a girl, "he just knows".  I'm unsure.  I don't think I would prefer one over the other after thinking of all of the benefits.
Emotional state:  I am very tired and very cranky.  I feel a bit depressed a lot of times.  Not being on Zoloft for the last several (6+) months has started to wear on me.  I'm worried that we've bit off more than we can chew.  

Then, I realize that the NICU, twins, PPD, etc have all made me gun-shy (for lack of a better term) about what things could/ would be like.  It won't be easy, but I'm trying to remind myself that only one of the three kids will be under 3 years old when DH goes back to work.   That makes it easier, right???

Wait? Pregnant? What?

I feel the same way.

It's been crazy busy lately between the last failed FET, appointments, the holidays, my broken computer (still broken by the way...) and the boys!

But I will try to give a recap to the best of my ability of what has happened since I saw my RE at the end of October.


At the meeting with my RE we discussed everything about FET 2.0 that was worth analyzing: embryo quality, endo lining, medications, etc.   By the end of the meeting I had decided to try the next cycle un-medicated (no estrogen pills/patches) but to also add an HcG shot at ovulation time during the transfer cycle.  RE said he has heard of some women responding better to their natural estrogen then to the medications. Basically, it was a cycle just to see what my lining would be during the mid-cycle u/s.


During the Late October/November cycle DH and I had sex several times before ovulation to hopefully get my ute to "act" as if I would be prepping for a normal "pregnancy".  I did OPK's until I had a surge on Nov 6th.  The mid-cycle u/s was Nov 7th and guess what?  My lining was 8.72?!?!?  WTH?

Apparently, coffee and vodka do great things for my lining.  Go figure.  No meds and it's 8.72.  With expensive meds, barely hit 7.00.  Huh. . . .I took this to mean that I will not be on estrogen anymore :)

Following the results, my plan was to cycle 'naturally' until I had a great lining.  Then, do the last frozen transfer.


AF showed up Nov 20/21st.  I wasn't positive this cycle was the one, because it had to be a big lining sans meds.  We did have sex 4x before ovulation and I used OPK's again until I finally got a surge much later than usual on CD 14/15.  

I met with the RE for a mid-cycle u/s to check my lining on December 4th.  My lining was high again--8.38!  Crazy.  I wish I knew this sooner.  I could have saved so much time and money!  (Not to forget the estrogen patches that would make my skin bleed!)

It was on!

Two days later, I did the HcG shot in the afternoon and began my 1cc of progesterone in oil IM each day.

December 10th, (1pm) was transfer day for our last frozen embryo. (5-day Grade B embryo).  During the transfer, the embryologist thought it looked better than what it was graded in IL at the old clinic. I had baby listen to music through my earbuds (Michael Jackson, Bruno Mars...) and despite their opinion that it didn't matter, I laid flat for about 30 minutes covered by the blanket I remembered to bring this time as I was freezing last time.

Embryo for hopeful 3.0

Once we left, I put myself on fairly strict 'bedrest' for that day and 'modified' bedrest for the next two days.  DH took off work and was able to watch the boys for me.  I would come in and sit on the couch so I could watch them play and see what else what happening in the world--there is NO TV in any other room.


I had some very concerning days before the BETA.  On December 19th and 20th I had some noticeable dark spotting and cramping.  I stressed over that for days even after the BETA.


Late at night, after I had gone to a musical (Lés Miserables) with a few friends, I went to the 24hr dynacare lab and had my BETA drawn.   The next morning, we got the results.  19 (9dp5dt) . . .Low, but something.  Of course I wanted to POAS after that.  I honestly held off this time and didn't POAS one time until the BETA results were back.  It was also faint, but something.

Two days later (Dec 21, 11dp5dt), I had BETA #2, again late at night after a friends' birthday party.  It almost doubled in 24 hours to 37.2!  It was going up well considering that it started out so low but it was, of course, nothing like the numbers I had with the boys.  To help reassure me after the low numbers, spotting and cramping, I asked for another BETA with an additional progesterone test.

The last BETA and progesterone test was Christmas Eve (14dp5dt).  I decided to go in early that morning instead of late the night before.  It was cold and snowy.  I was afraid I would get bad news before Christmas but knew it would stress me out all day if I didn't know.  BETA #3 was 103.1 and Progesterone was 26.77.    That rise being over 100 made me feel much better.   I was able to go into Christmas celebrations feeling much better about the situation.  The RE told me to make an u/s appointment with him in about 2 weeks.


The images below were from that first ultrasound on Monday, January 6th, 2014 (6w,4d).  It was, of course, another dildo-cam u/s.  I knew immediately that I saw an embryonic sac.  Thankfully, it was one this time as I think DH would've lost his mind if we had twins (or more) again.   One beautiful baby.  I was in such shock (and still am) that I didn't react much.  I looked, I listened and tried to figure out how the embryo that had been so often disregarded as "not worth much" was growing, in me.  Wow.  To this day, I still fully cannot believe it.   The approximate due date is August 28th (I've heard August 28th- September 1st, 2014.  We'll have to wait and see who is correct).

Yolk sac in first u/s for 3.0

Crown to Rump :)

And that was it-- my last visit to an RE.  I have no more frosties, eggs, sperm or anything left waiting for me to come and claim it.   Ironically, I remember hoping that the first transfer wouldn't work and that the second transfer would be successful so I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with the second one.  I'll be damned.

Take that!  You're caught up! :D



Yesterday, January 14th (7w,5d), was my first trip to our OBGYN with 3.0 (as DH calls he/she/it).   I asked her about seeing the perinatologist again.  She doesn't seem to think I need to see that doctor this round.  She thinks, despite the boys being born at just 28 weeks, the preterm labor was due to a multiple pregnancy.  I'm not convinced, but time will tell.  I am not afraid to speak up or call the hospital if something doesn't seem right.

We did, however, set up an appointment with my old perinatologist for the nuchal translucency screening on February 13th.  My OB and I discussed that and we will talk about the results at our next meeting which will be about a week after.

While I was there DH came from work and I  had 3.0's second u/s.  Guess what?!?!? It was another vag-cam!  Good God.  I hope that is the last one I ever have to do--ever.   Either way, we saw 3.0 and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time at 142 bpm.   They dated 3.0 at 7w,1d.  That wasn't too surprising as it was a few says behind at the first u/s with the RE as well.  This is why I'm giving a range for the due date, although I am going off the transfer date.  You can't get much more accurate than that. :)

Baby 3.0 at 7w,5d

Baby 3.0 and it's yolk sac

Going off the grid. . . in my own way.

Hi friends!

I will be making this blog private within the next week or so.  Meaning that no one is UN-invited on purpose, I'm just not sure how this all works, but wanted to give fair warning.
I welcome anyone who is a member now to follow along.  I just keep finding my images used in strange places and odd websites and I'm at my wits end with it.  I don't want my kid's faces and ultrasound images to pop up all over goggle anymore.

Since I haven't done this before, I imagine there may be a few snafus along the way.  If you find you have been booted once I make this transition to "private" and you'd like back in, just message me.

Thanks for understanding.  I still love using this (when I have the chance) for posting thoughts and images, but I can no longer keep going if my images (especially my children) are being used for other purposes.

Until then, I will try to catch everyone up on the major updates of late with an upcoming (and long. . . ) post.

Please see the right-side column with this cycle's info (FET #3) for a quick 'catch up' I entered earlier today :)

Thank you for all the love, comments, votes and support over the years.

Christine Vaughn

First ultrasound and the last day at the RE.

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Meeting with RE.

I'm meeting with the RE I like today at 2pm.  

Hopefully we can get some better answers on what the next steps should be moving forward.  I'm not trying this cycle.  I will be taking at least this and maybe next month off to try to regroup and get everything in order for one last whole-hearted attempt.

I'm really sad and at a loss.  I haven't written in a week because frankly, I haven't known what to say.  I feel disappointed, confused and a little cheated.

I'll update with results from my meeting with the RE later today.

Negative.

As I thought.

I have made an appointment with the RE I like on the 29th.

I need. New game plan... For the last time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone