There are hundreds, thousands, dare I say--Millions of magazines and books out there on one topic that I so desperately want to know everything about. . . how to make a baby.
Now don't think me nieve. I know
how it is supposed to be done, but more often than most people think, it's not as simple as all those unwed 14 year olds make it look.
I've read more books and magazines specializing in pregnancy and conception than I can count.
I've watched the TV shows, walked through the baby stores, and picked out clothes for other people's children.
I day dream about what color the nursury will be, the theme for the decor, and the way I will organize the closet.
I have also read the adoption books, applied to adoption agencies, and looked into donor eggs.
Why?
Because for
me, it seems,
wanting a baby simply isn't enough.
I'm 26 years old, happily married with a house, two cats, and money in the bank. I have a great job as a high school art teacher, stick to a vegetarian (mostly organic) diet, and enjoy time spent with my rather large and happily obnoxious croatian family.
I have also lived with
PCOS for as long as I can remember.
Like most young girls, I spent most of my early teens trying to figure out what was going on with my body. As soon as I turned 11 and AF began, my body became a magnet for sugar and carbs--and that magnetic pull lead right to my ass.
I began to gain weight each year, my skin was a mess (Three rounds of Acutane didn't even help), strange hairs began popping up on the side of my face, my skin became blotchy near my arms and shoulders. Have I mentioned how much I crave carbs?
And every month before and during the arrival of good 'ol AF, I would buckle-over in pain. So much so I usually missed out on two days of "life" every month, laying in the dark with a hot water bottle on my ever-expanding gut.
I had always thought I was unlucky enough to have a lot of unrelated symptoms. Until one day.
With the arrival of the internet my freshman year in high school, I came across a website describing an illness that I fit every symptom--PCOS. I asked my GYN about it many times, but I don't ever remember getting a straight answer. I think sometimes doctors assume you "read too much" and get ideas in your head. But there was nothing hypochondriac-like about this. I was convinced I knew my own body.
Years later, in my early 20's, after a horrible experience with an abnormal pap, a Colposcopy without pain medication (I strongly advise getting 20 Xanax before), and years going untreated, I decided to take measures into my own hands. I read everything I could on PCOS and the best at-home treatments. When I went to see my GYN I began to carry on conversations as if she had already told me I had been diagnosed. Until one day, to my shock and surprise, she mentioned how she had diagnosed me with PCOS years before. I could've jumped across the room and choked her. When the Hell was she going to let me in on that????
Either way, that was all the ammo I needed to get the ball rolling. After reading many books and websites, I found an absolute gem, "A Patient's Guide to PCOS: Understanding--and Reversing--Polycystic Ovary Syndrome" by Walter Futterweit MD. Among the invaluable chapters of information, I found I was a perfect candidate for the pill,
metformin. A pill which would allow my insulin be better absorbed.
As part of my PCOS, I am also
insulin resistant. This basically means my body makes insulin, but not the receptors to allow it to be absorbed (or the sugar) into my body so it may be broken down. This explains why that sugar and carb thing is a huge issue to my weight problem.
I also went to see an Endocrinologist who specialized in PCOS. (I just needed that second opinion). She and my doctor gave me a bunch to tests and onto the wonderful Metformin I went. I'm currently up to 2000 mg/ day. It's a lot of pills everyday, but worth it.
So what does all this mean and why am I talking about receptors and insulin when I'm trying to make a baby?
It's all connected. One of the major symptoms of PCOS is difficulty becoming pregnant. Sometimes complete infertility.
BUT I HAVE HOPE!
So my friends, this is my journey.
Currently, We have been trying since August 2009 and no baby. No need to panic yet, but as you will find, I like to read up on
everything and be a s prepared for the next step as possible. We have been testing ovulation each month and pin-pointing exactly when ovulation occurs using the expensive (but hopefully worth it)
Clear Blue Easy ovulation monitor .
Since it's been five months of nada, we visted my GYN again. She suggested a few tests:
My husband just underwent a
SA and yesterday we found all things are apparently normal on his end.
(Side note to all the women: You will find all the men's tests are mainly pain-free. Ours. . . well they suck. He was in and out of his test before my blood was even drawn for a liver screen.)
This Monday, I will head to radiology at the local hospital for a
hysterosalpingogram. Yep, that is one word. (Try pronouncing it to your insurance company over the phone). What they basically do is look at your uterus and fallopian tubes via X-ray by injecting a dye into the areas they want to see. This can check for abnormalities and will make sure your tubes aren't blocked. In addition, it should clear out any odd materials in there and can increase chance of pregnancy over the next few cycles.
Sounds good and all, but I'm still a little terrified to be honest. Last time my GYN poked around and did the biopsy I was NOT happy. So this time I made sure to ask for the Xanax. Simply put: Cross your fingers for me. I'll update after the surgery, most likely to say it was no big deal.
My goal in writing this blog is to connect with other women (or men) who are going through or have come out on the other side of the conception mountain. Whether you struggle with PCOS, HPV, Endometriosis, or other fertility issues it's good to have a support system. While my husband continues to be an ever-present support for me, I know there are women who can share their wealth of knowledge. Perhaps together, we can find a roadmap through this vast array of information (the good and the bad) about something that many couples take for granted.
Throughout my journey, you will hear about my ups and downs in my own personal
conception craze. I hope it can shed a little light, and humor, on this far too often emotional and isolating situation.
