Sheesh.

It has been many moons since I have had anything to write about!

Yesterday, DH and I traveled down to the RE's office for the blood work and u/s needed for our FET.

The FET is two weeks away!!! HORRAYYYY!!!!

I feel like it has been FOR-EV-ER! After all, the last time I was able to cycle was Sept/October! Our last ectopic was the 4th of November 2010! After the IVF and lap I am ready to get this going.

DH and I had a conversation yesterday about how after all this time we feel almost--well. . . nothing???

It seems strange to say, but after going through the motions for so long, we forget that we could actually have a baby from all of this. The disappointment has become expected. However, since I had the lap in December, it should give us more hope and a much better chance at success. After all, I do have the REALLY GOOD 6AA embryo waiting for us!

So for now I am going to drink my pom juice and swallow all of my pills! I need my lining to be at 8 next week Friday (3/4). Yesterday it was at 7 1/2. Just a bit more to go!

When enough is enough. . . .

When is enough really, ...enough!?

On the "bump" someone posed the question about how many IVF's do you believe you would do; would you let your RE decide for you and trust their advice?

This got me thinking. . . . WHen would I throw in the towel. . . could I really ever give up? Will there be a point when I can't go on anymore?

I've come to the conclusion that the short answer is: When I run out of money.

The Long answer?

Since we have already done one entirely OOP without refund and had a BPF turned to BFN we have used some of our cash. Now I am doing the FET with our first two frosties. . . and if we get bad news, another round with the other two frosties will follow.

Once all frosties are gone. . . we would move to a "Shared Risk" plan. It comes with three IVF cycles and any FET's.

If after three additional IVF's and FET's we are still not preggo-- I'd have to re-evaluate my mental state.

If we're still sane, I'd re-use the money we'd be refunded towards however many cycles it gave us. Then-- admit defeat; wave the white flag.

Hopefully, it won't come to that.

CD 3 tests today.

Today was baseline and another snow storm in Milwaukee. . . and all the way to the RE.

At the RE, I had my blood drawn, blood pressure tested (109/71) and had the "good 'ol" vaginal u/s during AF-- I hate that.

We also paid the remaining $2,500 bucks for the FET cycle. This gives us a grand total of $2,900 for the cycle and another $300-500 for the meds. (FET= $3,100-3,300...not including lost pay for missing work).

This is why I argued for transferring three embryos if one of the first two doesn't survive the thaw.

Here's the scenario in a nutshell:

• We plan to thaw two of our four remaining embryos. (6AA, (5BB?, 4BB?), 3BC)
• We would like to thaw the two highest embryos first; 6AA and 5??
• If both survive the thaw, we will but both in and there ends the story.

Where this gets tricky. . . .So if we thaw the best two and ONE doesn't survive the thaw, we will need to thaw another of our remaining two embryos to have TWO thawed to deposit during the FET. Sounds fine, right?

• Not if I think about my one low-quality embryo left just sitting in the deep freeze.
• If one doesn't survive the thaw in the beginning-- I prefer to just automatically thaw the other two at the same time and put whatever survives in. (A possibility of three).

My reasoning is NOT to create triplets. Triplets are a higher risk for both Mom and babies--not to mention financially afterwards. My reasoning is that one low-quality embryo has a very small chance of making it either way. Why leave it in the freeze--keep paying for it-- and then either never use it or pay the almost $3500 for another FET cycle for just one "not-so-good" embryo? To me, I rather use it, giving the best chance now. The chance of all three surviving is ridiculously slim--not impossible--but slim.

My hope it to give us the best chance possible with what we have.

Saying that, what DH and I really want is TWO PERFECTLY thawed, thriving embryos right away-- leaving two more in the bank--just in case. After all, we could use them after the little one(s) arrives from FET#1!

MED CHANGE:

• Lupron moved from 10 units to 5 units daily.
• Aspirin and vitamins still going strong.
• Add estrogen patches: One patch today through 2/9. Then two patches through 2/12. Then FOUR every 72 hours until 10-15 weeks of pregnancy--CRAZY THINGS!!!

Next Appointment is a blood work and ultrasound check-up on 2.23.11.

In other news: GO PACK GO!!!!

AF is HERE!

AF is here--with a vengeance!!!

I will hopefully get to go in on SUNDAY for the CD3 tests. Otherwise I'll have to take off of school during the first few days of the semester. . . blech.

In other news, look at this cool chick's work inspired by good 'ol Aunt Flo. Steph Laberis. Sweet.

LUPRON!

Piece of cake.

Ten units down. It occurred to me today, as I was struggling to unwrap the Lupron package, what a LONG and drawn out ordeal this all is.

I feel like I was just taking Lupron for the IVF cycle . . . and now here I am again beginning Lupron for another cycle--this time, FET.

I have so much respect for couples who have done this three, four, five and even six+ times!

I have been through many cycles myself--but it is an entirely different thing when you are dealing with IVF/FET and a table FULL of medications and shots that you run your life around everyday.

I know I can and will do this-- I am just not looking forward to another round of headaches. . . damn Lupron!

Penguin Awareness Day brings on OVULATION!

I HAVE A PLAN!

I think the penguins helped!

On Thursday I finally ovulated on CD 16--really late for me. I'm assuming the lap threw it off a bit.

I called the RE and we set up a plan to begin Lupron (10 units) next Friday, January 28th. SWEET!!!

I feel like the FET is almost underway! FRIDAY it will be for real-- back to the daily shots.

Happy National Penguin Awareness Day!

As the official mascot for IF, I celebrate penguins today with this photo I took at the Milwaukee County Zoo last Sunday.

I like to look for things that are "signs of luckiness" and "good things to come" in our future.

DH and I saw it on the way out. Two penguins with green arm bands (my fave color) with a baby born on the 4th of July-- the due date for the last m/c we had.

For more on penguins and photos click here.