Quit cryin' ya big baby!

Clomid is making me a wuss.

I haven't had very many symptoms from the clomiphene. . . well, until yesterday.

I was listening to my man, Michael Jackson in my car on the way home. Normal for me.

Then, all of a sudden, I broke into this 20 minute sobbing cry about Michael Jackson. First I was sad again about his death, then I was mad about how he was treated by perfect strangers (and his loser, Dad), then I told him I would make one of my pieces of art this Summer about him. . . then I was sad I wasn't pregnant, then, I was back to MJ. . . UGH.

The funniest part is that I would have momentary pauses where I would stop and say to myself, "Oh my God. This is ridiculous. Gotta be the clomid--gotta be. . . ha ha! Ha ha --waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

I am a hormonal mess. It's kinda funny.

Clomiphene, ROUND TWO.

I picked up my second Rx for Clomiphene today. This means another 5 days of "pill taking" on top of my usual 8 per day.
For those of you playing at home that means for the next five days I will be taking 9 pills/ day. 9 x 5= 45 pills. Yikes.

Anyways, I will keep you posted if any symptoms arise from the meds. However, as (not) reported last time, there may be NO report if the symptoms remain at bay.

I gotta say-- I have always felt that I needed a few symptoms to know my meds are workin'.

Time will tell. . . . . .

Damn. Didn't even get to POAS.

That's right. $800 bucks down the tubes for nada. I guess if there is a positive side to this it would be that I saved the $8 pregnancy test. Got good 'ol Aunt Flo this AM. . . . but wait, . . .did I save the eight dollars or . . . ?

I am just recovering from a trip to the ER I had on Wednesday night. I felt like death. Sick as hell and ended up tied to every machine, IV's, EKG, CT scan, ultrasounds, and needed a-- Yes, you guessed it--a blood and urine pregnancy test. Given by doctors. People that go to school for higher tech shit than this. Yet, I still hoped they were wrong when they told me I was "Not pregnant". That's a phrase I'm beginning to resent.
Yet, I was hoping it was a bit early since that would've only been day 23 or 22 of my cycle, buuuuuut I'm pretty sure the blood test slammed the nail in that coffin.

Before I left, at 2 am, the trauma doctor asked me about my infertility treatments. Since they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, I think he was wondering if my pricey pills/ shot from this month may have impacted my health. Perhaps they have? But I'll tell you what-- they haven't done crap for my fertility issues.

Despite what medical help we used this month, it was really our "last chance" to make a baby the "good old fashioned way". Kinda makes me sad to know that the "magical event" most couples (and irresponsible kids) get to experience, where a baby is made simply by taking a vacation, enjoying their wedding night, or even by getting drunk on a Friday night with their spouse, will never happen for us. If you're one of those people who got to make your baby the "old fashioned way", (and FREE), be f'n thankful.

Ho hum. . . . (Inner pity voice says, "Feel bad for yourself!!! It's NOT FAIR!!! What did you screw up, stupid woman!?!?") . . . REALITY says, "GET OVER IT, BITCH! This is your life. You can sit and mope, or get out your checkbook and hope to God that the next step works!" . . . Today, I choose, Reality.

I think, this cycle, we will be meeting with my OBGYN, (ONE MORE TIME) since I can't get in with the new RE until the 11th of May. Crappy, but due to this last cycle being so short, that's the way it is.
The plan of attack seemed to be:
1. Clomid 50 mg (Days 5-9)
2. Follicle ultrasound before Ovulation
3. HcG shot again.
4. DH shoots into random lucky dixie cup
5. Swimmers are spun around at high speeds as if they are at space camp (removes excess fluids)
6. Swimmers shot directly into my uterus (by passing the tricky cervix) via IUI.

See what I mean by the "good old fashioned way" going OUT the window?

I will keep you up to date on the happenings as soon as I know them. I'd assume, they'll send for a refill of my clomid and HcG. Then, I'll most likely meet with them the day of the follie ultrasound. They better not be 30 minutes late this time. . . I'm beginning to collect a lot of hypodermic needles. . . . Seriously. :)

It's time for a Pro.

After much debate and research, I've decided.

I'm headed to the Reproductive Endocrinologist. (RE)

My gut (no pun intended) has been telling me to go see the expert instead of my OBGYN for a long time. I think that the possibility (If I'm not prego by the weekend) that things are not going to progress "normally" is what is causing me to make the switch. (Other than waiting for distant appointment times, long waits in the doctor, different doctors each time, etc etc etc). The next step was supposed to be IUI. I'll leave that to the experts, thank you.

I think I am going to be much happier with a place that is dedicated to my problems instead of a place that is juggling a million types of appointments and I'm fighting or one of them.

Hopefully, I can get in before the beginning of the next cycle.

UPDATE: I was out of town.

Yes, I was on vacation and although I thought I would have time to post updates during my trip--Not so much the case.

Just the whole shot ordeal was somethin'. Allow me to drop some knowledge on you:

Thursday, April 8th, I went into the doctor for the ultrasound of my follicles. We were hoping that they were at least 20mm. After waiting WAYYYY too long for the nurse practitioner to get her ass in there (Apparently, she was taking a phone call for over 25 minutes. . . .HELLO!!! I AM IN HERE. You know THE BUILDING! With my pants off and feet in the stirrups, thank you. Tell THAT person to make an appointment and drive all the way here!) Anyways, after she finally got in there, she lubed up this plastic, uh hem, phallic looking object with a condom on it. Yes, a condom. It was very S&M.

Once I could see it on the monitor, I saw these odd black blobs. Kind of like the side of a dalmatian. She moved the "probe" around, causing a lot of pressure. I had three good ones on the right side. (Left was kinda vacant since we ladies release one side at a time). I think the biggest (pictured above) was ALMOST 20mm. This meant I had to wait until the next day to get the HcG shit, I mean, shot. The nurse said the follies grow about 2mm per day, so by the next morning, I'd be good to go. "Give the shot around 9am", she says.

One problem. One BIG problem. We were flying to the East coast at 6:05am. Then, the inlaws were picking us up at the airport. We're trying to keep this whole ordeal a secret from just about everybody (Yes, I know I am posting this all online, but only people in the know, know about this site). So to make a long story short, we planned to do the shot the only way we could think of, after we landed, in the family restroom. Turns out all the restrooms were locked, and when we got to an open one, some old janitor walks in. While we are waiting, my mother in-law busts in the door.

SHIT.

We had to give it then, because we were headed out for family stuff until we finally got to the hotel in the late afternoon!

My DH decided to tell her we needed to use the restrooms, which we did, and we'd be out in a second. Well, the second turned into about 20 minutes by the time the janitor was out of the restroom and we were done with the shot. (Side note: No biggy. I thought it would hurt like HELL, but my DH did an amazing job, and the nurse had drawn a target on my ass the day before. Seriously, she did.)

So we walk out and now his Dad is inside looking for us. Good Lord people. PATIENCE. My husband decided to make up a story that he had massive bowel issues. Love him for things like that :)

We went on with our trip. The day was fine, and I felt no real side-effects. The next day, we walked all over the place and I was definitely tired. But somehow, we had to sneak back in and have baby-making sex sometime around the 36-hour mark after the shot. Well, that would've been 9pm.....IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER planned with the entire family. We figured 4:15pm was a close as we could get before we left with my in-laws. And if you haven't noticed, they like to be "on-time". They called us twice and stopped by the room before we were supposed to meet them at 4:45. (Oh yeah, and we had just seen them on the way TO the room). Needless to say it was a scheduling nightmare.


I'm not sure if ANYTHING we did over the weekend was good enough to make a baby. But we gave it our best shot. I believe somewhere around the 24th I can test. Good grief, the 2 week wait strikes again!!!!!

Tomorrow' another BIG DAY.

Yep. It's here.

Tomorrow, I go into the doc's office and get an ultrasound of my follicles, hope they're 20mm, and get a shot of HcG in my ass.

Seems different than what I have previously reported as the next step, no?

Well, when I went in last Thursday, Dr. threw me a curve ball. She kind of jumped ahead 3 months without really making much recognition of it. But hey, I was getting extremely impatient with the speed we were at. I was actually going to ask her that day if we could push things a head a bit. But then she comes right at me with--now were going to do clomid, intrauterine ultrasounds, HcG, and IUI.

What the?

Seriously. Already . . . Okay. Works for me. . . . oh crap! I'm heading out of town Friday. Can't do the IUI. . . .next time IUI. This time all the above except IUI (See: "Regular sex"). Got that? I know, confusing.

Basically, over the last week, my life has hit the fast forward 3 months to this stage. Last Friday I began 50mg of Clomiphene. Monday, my DH and I went into the doc's office for an extremely pointless video on infertility. They apparently show it to all the NEW patients. However, they "forgot" to show it, (and the price list for services), to us until after we've already done all the services in the first 4/5 of the video. DULLS-VILLE. But afterwards, my husband learned how to make me lean into the wall, stick my butt out at him, and bend over. Seriously. That way he can line the HcG shot up with the "meaty" part of my ass. That's the point where he can jam this GIANT hypodermic needle in. Capitol, F-U-N.

So that day went "well". Tomorrow though we check my follicles, as I mentioned earlier. They need to be 20mm in order for them to be "toasty and ready". Then, I can get the $115.00 single shot of HcG. The HcG shot causes Ovulation to occur. This apparently means 36 hours later that egg is ready for some swimmers!!! Yes, I have to time the horizontal mambo 36 hours after I get the shot. This will be interesting since I am leaving for a trip with my in-laws the next day. "Oh, sorry all. I know we're in the middle of dinner, but I gotta go "do" your son." Perhaps, I should phrase it, "Make you some Grandbabies?"

That is the story IF I have some toasty follicles that are 20mm+. If I don't, I have to wait to get the shot. We will have to estimate how big the follicles will be the next day, the one after that and so on based on what we see tomorrow. Then, the day we think they should be at 20mm, DH gives me the shot 'o fun.

So, basically, tomorrow IS A BIG DAY. It could lower my stress level considerably if I have some 20mm follies by 9:30am.

Pray for me people.

I hope this month is the month more than ever. It will be our last go at it in a semi-"natural" way. After this month, we would turn to IUI and then-- God forbid, IVF.

Updates come tomorrow night! :) Night all--GROW FOLLIES GROOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!

Clomiphene, Day 1

Dizziness, Nausea, vomiting, mood swings, hot flashes, multiple births (twins, etc.), headaches, breast tenderness. . .

Those are just a few of the symptoms my Clomiphene Rx said I could expect. However, I am only taking 50mg and on day one. So far, nothin'.

I did feel hot today, but I was moving furniture outside in the sun on an 80 degree day. Pretty sure that wasn't the pills.

When I asked my DH if I "was moody today", he simply said, in his usual manner, "No." I'll take that, my quiet, watching TV and trying to ignore me, husband. I'll take that.

But tomorrow, it is "pill two" or "pill numero dos", if you talk strangely like I do. Is it strange that I am looking forward to the bizarre symptoms? At least the mild ones. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to become nauseous or vomit. But a good old fashioned night sweat or turkey timer titties might be kinda fun. After all, I need to enjoy my money, right?

Updates to come when symptoms arise. But FYI: the plans for this week have been drastically changed from what I thought they would be for our fertility plans. I'll let you in on it by Monday :) HAPPY SPRING BREAK TO ME!!!!